Shame on you, Susan G. Komen!

NEW YORK (1/31/12) – Planned Parenthood Federation of America today expressed deep disappointment in response to the Susan G. Komen for the Cure Foundation’s decision to stop funding breast cancer prevention, screenings and education at Planned Parenthood health centers. Anti-choice groups in America have repeatedly threatened the Susan G. Komen for the Cure Foundation for partnering with Planned Parenthood to provide these lifesaving cancer screenings and news articles suggest that the Komen Foundation ultimately succumbed to these pressures.

It's time to rethink those pink ribbons, y'all. I am saddened and disgusted to learn that the Susan G. Komen Foundation, one of the most recognizable organizations for breast cancer research and support, has caved to political pressure. This rift will mean a cutoff of hundreds of thousands of dollars in grants, mainly for breast exams, which Planned Parenthood provides at its sites. Although the Komen Foundation claims that the withdrawal of funds is the result of Planned Parenthood being under investigation by Congress for using federal money for abortions, Planned Parenthood says the move is due to Komen bowing to pressure from anti-abortion activists, who have been targetting Komen since 2005, when it partnered with Planned Parenthood. Furthermore, this Congressional probe was launched by a conservative Republican (Rep. Cliff Stearns) at the urging of anti-choice zealots. Do I smell a rat here?

If we need any more evidence, just look to Komen's recent naming of Karen Handel as Senior Vice President for Public Policy (2011). Ms. Handel is clearly anti-choice and anti-Planned Parenthood. In a 2010 statement while running for Governor of Georgia, she said the following:

First, let me be clear, since I am pro-life, I do not support the mission of Planned Parenthood. During my time as Chairman of Fulton County, there were federal and state pass-through grants that were awarded to Planned Parenthood for breast and cervical cancer screening, as well as a “Healthy Babies Initiative.”...  Planned Parenthood was the only eligible vendor approved to meet the state criteria.  Additionally, none of the services in any way involved abortions or abortion-related services.  In fact, state and federal law prohibits the use of taxpayer funds for abortions or abortion related services and I strongly support those laws.  Since grants like these are from the state I’ll eliminate them as your next Governor.

Let's sum this up: Planned Parenthood was the only place available in the state to provide breast and cervical cancer screening (generally for poor women). None of the funds for provided for this service were used for abortions or anything other than these screenings. As Governor, Ms. Handel planned on eliminating this funding, thus, cutting off the only access to cancer screening many women in Georgia had. Now that she's in charge of Public Policy at the Komen Foundation, she can wield her axe on a national level and cut off access to cancer screening for thousands, if not millions, of poor women. Way to show your pro-life colors, Karen!

This blatant political ass kissing has got to stop! Cancer strikes liberals and conservatives. Cancer doesn't care if you're pro-choice or pro-life. Cancer doesn't care if you have health insurance or don't. We cannot allow the organizations that are supposed to be fighting for women's health to cave to partisan politics on either side. Whether or not you believe in a woman's right to choice, you should believe that women have the right to get cancer screenings, and Planned Parenthood does cancer screenings. They are about much more than abortion.

Tell the Komen Foundation that they should be ashamed. Tell them that saving women's lives should trump politics. Much as I love the color pink, I refuse to wear it until this is reversed.

Sign the petition here and tell Komen not to succumb to Right Wing attacks.

Say "Squeeze!!!" Redux

"Do it to me one more time, once is never enough...." Oh, for shit's sake, I have to get another mammogram and an ultrasound of the ol' girls now. I just knew they didn't smile pretty and cooperate for their pictures this last time! According to the highly personal, warm, and fuzzy radiology report I was sent, I have "heterogeneously dense parenchyma which could obscure detection of small masses. There is nodular asymmetry in both breasts." From what I can gather, this means that my boobs are dense and lumpy, kind of like overcooked oatmeal. The good folks at American Radiology Services don't want to just come out and say, "Hey, lady, we can't see for shit through your tits! For all we know, you could be hiding not only a tumor but a kilo of cocaine in there! You're full of more lumps than my grandmother's Thanksgiving gravy!" So, it's back to the squish machine for me and before they're done with me, it'll be boob scallopini all around!

Say "Squeeze!!!"

Had the girls' pictures done today. Couldn't get them to smile, though! Oh, how I do love the annual mammogram! I know I need to do it, and I'm thankful the technology exists, and blah, blah, blah, but I still can't help but think that there's a Nobel Prize waiting for the person (who am I kidding-it's got to be a woman!) who figures out how to x-ray our boobs without having to shove them between two metal plates and compressing them into a booby panini! Hold the cheese on mine please-I'm lactose intolerant!

I remember the first time I went for a mammogram almost 2 decades ago.  I was mortified to see what that horrible machine did to my poor little breasts. I had been warned about the discomfort, which honestly, was just that-discomfort, not pain. When you've been a migraine sufferer for nearly your whole life, it takes a lot for you to call something "pain." But, what, dear God, was happening to my boobs? Never very rotund to begin with, they were getting flatter and flatter by the second! I honestly began to doubt that they'd ever spring back to life!

Now, of course, I'm an old pro. I warm up for the annual ritual by standing sideways next to the refrigerator with my upper body unclothed and slowly closing the door tighter and tighter while grasping the hinges on the other side. This method is much more sanitary and draws fewer odd looks from neighbors than my old method, which involved lying naked on the garage floor and closing the garage door on my boobs. Since we installed the child proof doors, I haven't figured out a work around for that method.

So today, well-prepared, I bravely strode into the mammography suite to wait my turn. Have you ever noticed that when you're waiting for a mammogram, all the articles in the magazines you pick up are about cancer? Do they do this on purpose?!! I think they should only allow cooking and Cosmo mags in waiting rooms. My turn arrives, and I have my girls' pictures taken. Lefty was being a pouty bitch this morning and wouldn't smile nicely. At least the tech's hands were warm this year! I should hear the results in 7 to 14 days (I call this stretch of time the "Days of Diazepam.") Maybe if the pictures come out good, I can order extras for my holiday cards!

Perdue's Cluckin' Stupid Idea

Thanks to my friend Kirsten who, during her coupon clipping, noticed this unfortunate choice of product sponsorship. It was just calling out for a rant, don't you think?

"Perdue Farms proudly supports Susan G. Komen for the Cure® in its promise to save lives and end breast cancer forever. In 2010, Perdue Farms Incorporated will donate $150,000 to Susan G. Komen for the Cure. During Breast Cancer Awareness Month, specially marked packages of PERDUE® PERFECT PORTIONS Boneless, Skinless Chicken Breasts and PERDUE® SHORT CUTS® Carved Breast Strips will reflect this sponsorship."

While I'm all for corporate donations to worthy causes, what moron at Perdue Farms chose these two particular products to "reflect this sponsorship?" Out of the dozens of chicken and turkey products this company markets, someone thought it wise to put the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer logo on boneless, skinless breasts (perfectly portioned, may I add?) and carved strips of breast! Anyone else getting flooded with images of mastectomies and breast implants besides me? Perhaps, like their chicken, tasteless is what they were going for. Groan.

Kentucky Fried Stupid

Does anyone else think the current KFC promotion "Buckets for the Cure" is a tad...off? While I applaud corporate donations to worthy causes, this particular combination strikes me as miscalculated. I mean, I LOVE fried chicken, KFC in particular, even though I know it's terrible for me and my ever expanding waistline. I also donate to the Susan G. Komen foundation for breast cancer research. However, pink buckets of KFC are just wrong. Research has shown that a high fat diet increases the risk of breast cancer. Just what is the fat content of all that KFC oozing its delicious greasiness down the sides of that pink bucket and making a translucent blob on the bottom? Also, something about ordering up a big pink bucket for dinner that contains...BREASTS....well, it's just weird! Maybe McDonald's should consider donating to the American Heart Association every time a customer supersizes! I think I'll go have a salad.