"Do it to me one more time, once is never enough...." Oh, for shit's sake, I have to get another mammogram and an ultrasound of the ol' girls now. I just knew they didn't smile pretty and cooperate for their pictures this last time! According to the highly personal, warm, and fuzzy radiology report I was sent, I have "heterogeneously dense parenchyma which could obscure detection of small masses. There is nodular asymmetry in both breasts." From what I can gather, this means that my boobs are dense and lumpy, kind of like overcooked oatmeal. The good folks at American Radiology Services don't want to just come out and say, "Hey, lady, we can't see for shit through your tits! For all we know, you could be hiding not only a tumor but a kilo of cocaine in there! You're full of more lumps than my grandmother's Thanksgiving gravy!" So, it's back to the squish machine for me and before they're done with me, it'll be boob scallopini all around!