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Poetry and snark blogger who also has a creative side (who knew?)

Monday, November 8, 2010

Say "Squeeze!!!" Redux

"Do it to me one more time, once is never enough...." Oh, for shit's sake, I have to get another mammogram and an ultrasound of the ol' girls now. I just knew they didn't smile pretty and cooperate for their pictures this last time! According to the highly personal, warm, and fuzzy radiology report I was sent, I have "heterogeneously dense parenchyma which could obscure detection of small masses. There is nodular asymmetry in both breasts." From what I can gather, this means that my boobs are dense and lumpy, kind of like overcooked oatmeal. The good folks at American Radiology Services don't want to just come out and say, "Hey, lady, we can't see for shit through your tits! For all we know, you could be hiding not only a tumor but a kilo of cocaine in there! You're full of more lumps than my grandmother's Thanksgiving gravy!" So, it's back to the squish machine for me and before they're done with me, it'll be boob scallopini all around!


  1. You are sooooooo funny girl but I do feel your pain and wish you didn't have to go through the discomfort. As a guy I sure am glad I don't have to deal with stuff like that. Hope you have a great rest of the week.

  2. So THAT'S where the remote is! That picture is funny as shit! Please let me know if you find Amelia E. in there. I've got a few questions for her.
    Crossing my fingers that everything will be okay. I can also light some candles and dance naked under the full moon...but that'll be fun for no one but me.


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