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Poetry and snark blogger who also has a creative side (who knew?)

Monday, October 31, 2011

Women Are People Too

The anti-choice zealots have reached a startling new low in their bid to outlaw abortion in the United States, and if you think that this issue doesn't affect you or anyone you may know, think again. Their new strategy is called "Personhood," and instead of going after abortion directly, it seeks to define "persons" in such a broad manner that every fertilized egg will be considered a person and thus be protected under U.S. laws.

According to their website, which may have been edited for grammatical correctness by an embryo,
"The Primary Mission of Personhood USA is to serve Jesus by being an Advocate for those who can not speak for themselves, the pre-born child. We serve by starting / coordinating efforts to establish legal "personhood" for pre-born children through peaceful activism, legislative efforts and ballot-access petition initiatives.
Personhood is the cultural and legal recognition of the equal and unalienable rights of human beings.

When the term “person” is applied to a particular class of human beings, it is an affirmation of their individual rights. In other words, to be a person is to be protected by a series of God-given rights and constitutional guarantees such as life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. 
This terrifies the pro-abortion foes!
 They know that if we clearly define the preborn baby as a person, they will have the same right to life as all Americans do!

This then also begs the question, is every human being a person?

There is a very real sense in which the need to answer this second question is, in itself, an absurdity.

If you look up the word "person" in your average dictionary (we'll use Webster's), you'll find something like this: "Person n. A human being."
This would all be rather humorous if it weren't being seriously considered by the voters in numerous states. This November, voters in Mississippi will decide on a ballot measure that defines the term "person" in the State Constitution to include fertilized human eggs and would grant them all the rights and protections of other persons. This would not only outlaw abortion in the state, including rape and incest cases, but would also outlaw any form of contraception that prevents a fertilized egg from developing, such as IUDs and birth control pills.

Similarly, fertility clinics would be closed, and doctors could be prosecuted for providing medical care to a pregnant woman if it endangered the life of her unborn child. Indeed, it would be illegal to terminate a pregnancy to save a woman's life if the "Personhood" Initiative passes, as an unborn baby would have the same right to life as the woman carrying it.

If all of this seems too much like Margaret Atwood's Handmaid's Tale for comfort, it's because it is. In that book of a dystopian future, women were hardly more than receptacles for growing babies, which were a valued resource in society. Women had no autonomy over their own reproductive decisions and were punished for interfering with their intended purpose of being baby incubators. Perhaps the women of Mississippi should read the book before they go out to vote in November, that is, if they aren't already ordered to be on bed rest to make sure they don't jeopardize any preborn persons they might be carrying.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Barbie Girls

You can't say that Barbie doesn't keep up with the times, people! Introducing new todidoki Barbie! Get an eyefull of this new addition to the family! She comes complete with permanent ink on her upper torso, a pink bob, tight mini, and a pet named Bastardino. She's described on the Barbie Collector website as "...always ready for cutting-edge fashion! She pops on a pink miniskirt, logo leggings and black top with signature skull heart and bones, carries a large bag from the brand, then adds bracelets, a belt, and sky-high sparkly silvery shoes! This funky fashionista [is] ready for fun in fashion-forward form."

Of course, there's already been controversy about whether or not a tattoo sporting Barbie is appropriate for children. Given the fact that 24 percent of people between the ages of 18 and 50 and 36 percent between the ages of 18 and 29 have at least one tattoo, arguing about a doll seems rather pointless to me. And at $50 a pop, tokidoki Barbie is being marketed as a collector's item rather than as a toy. Yes, there are many, many adults who collect Barbies. Tokidoki Barbie is a "lifestyle" Barbie. With this in mind, I've scoured the internet in search of other "lifestyle" Barbies that may be of interest to the serious collector. Here is the treasure trove I have discovered:

Trailer Park Barbie
Turleen is a sophisticated and patriotic American and a model working mother. After hours of hard work gathering carts at the Honk & Holler and waitressing at the elegant Bowlarama, she still finds time to spend quality time with her kids.

With seven children and one on the way, she recently won the Mother of the Year Award from the Pink Flamingo Trailer Park Homeowners Association!
This special trophy sits proudly on the kitchen window sill in her luxurious double-wide next to her six first place Little Miss Guzzler Awards from the county fair! Yes this honey has grown up! She's got a bun in the oven and she's ready to hit the town!
Just push her belly button and Trash Talkin' Turleen will share some pearls of wisdom with the sophistication and style that makes her family and third grade teacher proud.
Turleen stands approximately 12" tall. 

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Punk Rock Barbie

With her colorful mohawk, safety pin nosering and chain, and anarchy fashion jacket, this Barbie is ready to rock!

She and her friends love to hang out wherever they're not welcome and make people uncomfortable with their loud music, insult hurling, and provocative clothing (Barbie's accessories include BDSM collar and wrist cuffs, Karl Marx T-shirt, tutu, fishnet stockings, and Doc Martens).

Emo Barbie
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Poor Emo Barbie! No one understands her. She may as well slit her slender, ivory wrists and watch as the crimson droplets fall to the floor. That's why this special edition Barbie comes with several dozen razor blades!

Dressed in her favorite color, black, Emo Barbie wants to show just how miserable her life can be. This one-of-a-kind Barbie is unable to smile, which really makes her a stand-out among the Barbie family!

Emo Barbie comes with interchangeable hairstyles, from black to red, for when she's feeling slightly less suicidal. Accessories include a chain belt, black lipstick, and plenty of black eyeliner, specially designed to run down her face, for that "just been crying" look that emos love! Get her today because there may not be a tomorrow!

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Exotic Dancer Barbie
Who says Barbie can't have a lucrative career? Meet Exotic Dancer Barbie! She's fit and fabulous and freaky! Shake it, girl! This Barbie knows how to work it. She comes with her own stage (pole sold separately), pasties, 3 glittery g-strings, and a half-dozen ping pong balls. (Lap Dance Ken also sold separately)

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Gangsta Bitch Barbie
Bitches better watch out cuz Gansta Bitch Barbie be comin'. She one mean mutha and she ready to settle the score with the bitch who put her away for 3 years. And she don't give a f*** who get caught in the crossfire.

This Barbie comes with doorag, smokes, low riding jeans, white T with drug ref, gun, and meth recipe. Purchase the Limited Edition Gangsta Barbie and receive a beautiful, bedazzled keepsake Glock along with your doll! (not available to registered felons)

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Goth Barbie
Say hell-o to Goth Barbie! This raven haired beauty loves to go "lurking around in urban dungeons, inhaling whip-its, and asking complete strangers to pierce her genitalia. (Glitter Great Sarcophagus sold separately")  Note: Please keep Goth Barbie out of direct sunlight. 

Come on, people! The holidays are only a few short weeks away! I know there must be some special folks on your list who would just love one of these "lifestyle" Barbies for their very own! I, myself, find them much more inspirational than the boring blond chick with the tiny waist and huge boobs from my own childhood (as well as the Barbies!)

Sunday, October 9, 2011


“There’s an old joke. Two elderly women are at a Catskill restaurant. One of them says, ‘Boy, the food at this place is just terrible.’ The other one says, ‘Yeah I know. And such small portions.’ Well, that’s essentially how I feel about life. Full of misery, loneliness and suffering and unhappiness – and it’s all over much too quickly.”
 -Woody Allen, from Annie Hall

Thursday, October 6, 2011

I Do!!!

According to Marriage Equality USA,  as of June 2011, 6 states and the District of Columbia recognized same-sex marriage; 4 states had civil unions for same-sex couples, and 6 states had registered domestic partnerships. 

In January of 2012, the Maryland legislature will consider a same-sex marriage bill.  Last year in Maryland, a marriage-equality bill stalled in the House of Delegates after passing the state Senate. Maryland Governor O'Malley, who supported marriage equality in 2011, is appearing in a new video supporting marriage equality.

While all of this political action is well and good, there is another tactic that may be even more effective in convincing those who are reluctant to see same-sex couples as essentially the same as Nancy and Joe Smith down the block. Put them on TV in a sitcom! Nothing makes people seem less threatening and more like someone Mr. or Mrs. Average American can identify with than making them part of a sitcom family. Look at the Cosbys or George Lopez.

In this spirit, do I have a show for you!
This is a hilarious webcom in which baseball player, Brady Kelly, and actor Cheeks wake up after a drunken Vegas fling to find themselves legally married thanks to a new law.  Unwilling to publicly undermine their newly won right, they determine to make a go of it and be HUSBANDS. There's even a ditzy friend!

New episodes appear on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and so far, I've been laughing myself silly. Check it out. A little humor may just be what the cause needs to speed it along!