My photo
Poetry and snark blogger who also has a creative side (who knew?)

Saturday, May 28, 2011


I've finally figured out what has been causing all of the problems at Blogger lately.

hire them to work at the main 
office at Blogger!!!
"So the next time your air-conditioning goes on the fritz, or your washing machine blows up, or your television recorder conks out, before you call the repairman, turn on all the lights. Check all the closets and cupboards. Look under all the beds. Cause you never can tell. There just might be a gremlin in your house."  Think about it.

I Am Your Overlord (In Case You Forgot)

Now that Blogger has graced me with its functioning once again (I guess those virgin sacrifices really did help!), I can now happily post my Overlord Award. Many thanks to Laynee at Lost in LaLa for bestowing this most awesome award on me! According to the terms of the Overlord Award, the rules are as follows:
The Rules:
1) List three things you would change as Overlord.
2) List 10 blogs worthy of world domination.
3) Contact them about their award.

Okay, then. I've always referred to myself as "Queen Mom" around my house, and now it's official. World domination is mine! My 3 rules are as follows:
  1. People are required to use the words "literally" and "ironic" correctly. Helpful hint: The sentence "I literally died" makes no sense unless you are speaking from beyond the grave or are a zombie. Also, it is not "ironic" if it rains on your wedding day (sorry, Alanis Morissette). It's just a bummer. 
  2. No sequels will be made to movies that should not have been made in the first place. 2b. No sequels will be made to movies that are good if the sequel is not also good. Hangover 2-need I say more?
  3. The declaration "It is what it is" will be eliminated from speech. It is overused and meaningless. Of course, it is what it is. How could it be otherwise? It isn't what it is? It is what it isn't? If you want to get philosophical, read Kant or Descartes. Leave the trite affirmations for whomever is going to take Oprah's place.
Now, for my nominations: The following bloggers are deserving of their own chance at World Domination:
  1. Bryan M. White at  Notes from the Night Owl
  2. Fireblossom at Shay's Word Garden
  3. darev2005 at Attitude and Pepper Spray
  4. Helen at Poetry Matters (she gets this one just for having the guts to post a video of herself singing a song she wrote on YouTube-you go girl!)
  5. Versebender at Versebender
  6. Mama Zen at The Zen of Motherhood
  7. Dragonkatet at Dragon's Dreams
  8. Olivia at Olivia's In-Mind Whirls
I'm sure there are others that I've forgotten in my hormonal pre-menopausal fog, and I hope you'll forgive me. I know I didn't name ten. I'm Overlord-I can do what I want! Rule on, oh fabulous ones! 

Monday, May 23, 2011

In Other Stupid Religious News...

You may have thought that surviving the Rapture put an end to religious absurdity, at least for a little while. Alas, my sweets, there is no rest for the weary (or the sane). Let me bring your attention to San Francisco, the home of all that is wackadoo...

The good people of San Francisco, in addition to pressing local and state issues, will be offered an opportunity to weigh in on another vital matter in their upcoming elections: circumcision. A proposal seeking to ban circumcision of all male children under the age of 18 will appear on the November ballot, making it a misdemeanor offense punishable by a fine up to $1000 or a year in jail. There will be no religious exemptions. Supporters of the ban, who call themselves (I'm not making this up) intactivists,  claim that it protects children from a form of genital mutilation that has no clear benefits and causes pain and anxiety. Opponents claim that the ban is a violation of religious freedom. Both the Jewish and Muslim faiths widely practice ritual circumcision as a part of their religious traditions.

I don't know about you, but calling circumcision "male genital mutilation" is wrong on two accounts. First, as far as I know, circumcision does not affect a male's ability to function sexually or otherwise. Many people, both male and female, prefer the look of a circumcised penis, and there is some evidence showing that it may have health benefits. I would hardly call this "mutilation." Second, calling circumcision "male genital mutilation" diminishes the real atrocity of female genital mutilation, which still does exists in many cultures. This is often done, not in infancy, but when the girl is much older and aware of what is going on. The procedure is frequently painful, traumatic, and has lasting psychological and physical consequences, including inability to function normally sexually. Shame on the intactivists for comparing the two. If they have penis issues, they should work them out in therapy rather than wasting taxpayer money on making this a ballot issue.

In other absurd religious news, a report by the John Jay College of Criminal Justice, commissioned by America's Catholic bishops, has concluded that the epidemic of sexual abuse by priests in the 1960s and 1970s can be linked to "the importance given to young people and popular culture — along with the emergence of the feminist movement, a 'singles culture' and a growing acceptance of homosexuality."  Crime, drugs, increases in premarital sexual behavior and divorce are also to blame. Additionally, the report argues that most priests who engaged in sexual abuse should not be considered pedophiles because their victims were over the age of 10. TEN?!! While the report doesn't absolve priests of responsibility for the abuse, it does imply that the rampant abuse was a problem of the times, not of the institution of the Catholic Church or of the bishops who covered it up. Anyone who's taken even an introductory statistics class has learned that correlation does not imply causation. Just because 2 events occur together, it doesn't mean that one caused the other. Back to class, Catholic Church!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Maybe I'm Not Such a Bad Mom After All...

Do these photos make you feel sick? They should. These are photos of an 8 year-old girl receiving Botox injections. This girl does not have a medical condition necessitating these injections. She is getting them, courtesy of her mother, to remove wrinkles from her face to make her more competitive for a beauty pageant! I'll repeat that. An 8 year-old is getting injections of Botox to remove wrinkles for a beauty pageant. In my opinion, this is CHILD ABUSE.

Kerry Campbell, the California mother in question, claims that she got the idea to give her daughter, Britney, the Botox injections from other pageant mothers. Apparently, it is not an uncommon practice in the pageant circuit, as it removes lines from around the child's mouth when she smiles. Is this sick or what?!! It used to be that double sided tape to hold up swimsuits and Vaseline on the teeth to keep you smiling were the little secrets behind the scenes of pageantry. Now, moms are whipping out needles and injecting toxins into their little princesses to wipe out any traces of naturalness. Ms. Campbell, a part-time beautician, defends her practice by saying that she also gives these injections to herself and that Britney asks for them. I can just imagine how that interactions goes...

Mom: "Britney, do you want the Botox to make you beautiful so you can win a trophy at the pageant or do you want to be a baby and have ugly wrinkles and lose?"
Britney: "But Mommy, it hurts!"
Mom: "Just for a second. Look! Mommy will do it too! Then we'll have ice cream and vomit it up together! And I'll buy you a pretty new pageant gown! Now do you want the Botox like a big girl or are you an ugly loser?"
Britney: "I want it."

In addition to the Botox injections, Ms. Campbell has also waxed Britney's legs in case any "fluffy hair" starts to appear. Horrors! Even Britney stated that she did not want to do this again. We'll have to see what Mom says about that. As Ms. Campbell states, the pageant world is tough, and the "kids are harsh."

I don't know what it is about pageant parents that makes them want to turn their daughters from normal little girls into sexualized objects to be judged and rated and pranced around like show ponies. From the heavy make-up to the overdone hair to the overly mature sashaying to the tantalizing costumes, these pageants are a pedophile's dream come true. If a grown woman decides to subject herself to the harsh judgments and insane competition of these pageants, that's her business. But what little girl has the option of defying or even disappointing her parents by refusing to participate?

How can a child possibly develop a normal sense of self-esteem and body acceptance when she has been subjected to this bizarre ritual for years? People like Kerry Campbell clearly show that parents can't be counted on to stop themselves from going "too far" to win these pageants, and it seems that pageant judges either encourage or turn a blind eye to the abuses behind the scenes. It's time that someone from outside this cult of pageantry puts a stop to it.

View the video of Britney and her mom

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

What a Puckhead!

image source
A big hug and thanks to Fireblossom for alerting me to this latest instance of moronic behavior by some bigoted jackwagon who professes to just be expressing his "personal moral stance." I'm sure Hitler and Bin Laden thought they were just expressing personal moral stances as well. Yesterday's case involves hockey, of which I'm generally uninterested. However, I became interested in NHL player Sean Avery when I heard that he made a video stating his support for gay marriage. In this country, athletes are often considered role models for young men, and having a masculine guy from a tough sport endorse gay rights is no small matter. Kudos to Avery! 

Then there's hockey agent Todd Reynold's unsolicited reaction to Avery's video, which he posted on Twitter: "Very sad to read Sean Avery's misguided support of same-gender 'marriage'. Legal or not, it will always be wrong." Apparently, Mr. Reynolds received a flood of negative responses from his Tweet, so he decided to defend himself by adding "To clarify. This is not hatred or bigotry towards gays. It is not intolerance in any way shape or form. I believe we are all equal...But I believe in the sanctity of marriage between one man and one woman. This is my personal viewpoint. I Do not hate anyone."

Oh, I see now. Mr. Reynolds is not intolerant or bigoted. He just believes that gay people should not have the same civil rights as heterosexuals. And that their basic human feelings are "wrong." But other than being denied some fairly important rights, such as adoption, power of attorney, medical powers, etc., gay people are equal to heterosexuals.  Now I get it. He's a dickhead.

It should be noted that Todd Reynolds is Vice-President of Uptown Sports Management, which "...represents Professional Hockey players such as Chris Neil, Cody McCormick and Mike Fisher." I wonder whether the President of Uptown Sports Management holds the same views on gay marriage as Reynolds, as Reynolds chose to post his opinions on the company's Twitter. I also wonder about their clients. Who will have the cajones to publicly denounce this outrageous blather? Anyone?

Yes, Mr. Reynolds does have the right to hold personal opinions about gay marriage and about homosexuality in general. He does not, however, have the right to force his opinions on the rest of society. Nor does anyone else. This issue is not about what Mr. Reynolds believes or even what a majority of the country believes. At one time, a majority of the country believed that blacks and white shouldn't be allowed to marry. Or Jews and Gentiles. Some still believe this, just ask my mother-in-law! This is about civil rights and in this country, everyone has them. If you believe differently, you're just wrong.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mother's Day-Now Get Me a Sandwich!

REALLY?!! No, I mean, REALLY?!! This is the ad Proctor and Gamble chose to run for Mother's Day? Let's see if I can decipher the message(s) in this one:
  • "I don't care if you have patients lined up for surgery, dammit, I want a sandwich!"
  • "Yeah, you do a great job keeping that biohazard research lab spic n span, but would it kill you to wipe up the bathroom more often, woman?"
  • "Well, just tell the friggin' judge that you hafta get home and cook dinner cuz the in-laws are coming over!"
  • "Like the cure for cancer can't wait one more day. I need you here to let the cable guy in!"
Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there, whether you work at home, out of home, or both. And to the advertisers who think it's still 1950, a big Mother's Day bouquet of Fuck Off from me!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Squeak, Squeak!

I am a member of the "Hilton Honors" program, through which our family earns points by staying at the Hilton family of hotels when we travel. The points can later be redeemed for hotel rooms or upgrades.The other day, I received the following e-mail:

Dear Ms. Lolamouse

We've missed you! We haven't noticed any activity on your HHonors account in more than nine months.

Remember, to keep your account active, you must earn HHonors points at least once every 12 months. Otherwise, all of your points may be forfeited.

There are lots of easy ways for you to save your HHonors points, if you act by July 01, 2011

  • Stay at any of the 3,000-plus Hilton Worldwide hotels
  • Earn points with one of our many partners
  • Sign up for a Hilton HHonors® Card from American Express
  • Apply for a Citi® Hilton HHonors® Visa® Signature Card
  • Purchase HHonors points online
  • Shop at our online Earnings Mall, featuring thousands of premium items....blah, blah, blah...
In other words, spend money at their hotels ASAP or they're nicking my hard-earned points! What kind of crap is that?!! I have over 55,000 points, which we were saving for a future trip when we actually have some money for a future trip. We haven't traveled this year because we're tightening our budget, like so many people. 
Well, I had to ask myself, "Are you a woman or a mouse?" "Both!" I answered. So I wrote to the Hilton Corporation the following missive:

To Whom It May Concern,

I recently received an email informing me that if I did not stay at a Hilton within 3 months or engage in one of several other activities involving the purchase of points and/or merchandise, I would forfeit my Hilton Honors points. In today's economy, I find it totally reprehensible that a loyal customer would be threatened like this.  Our family has limited our travel this year due to financial constraints. We have not stayed at other hotel chains, but rather we have stayed home.  When our future plans were to include travel, we had planned to use Hilton hotels.

I fail to understand how you can justify appropriating Hilton Honor points that I have legitimately earned as a loyal customer. I will tell you that if this outrageous demand is not immediately lifted, Hilton Hotels will lose a loyal customer, and I will not hesitate to make this company's policy transparent to more people. Again, in this difficult economy, I would think that you would be looking for ways to help your customers stay loyal to your brand rather than trying to threaten them.

I eagerly await your response.


Ms. Lolamouse

And the result? 

Dear Ms. Lolamouse

Thank you for your message to Hilton Reservations and Customer Care. It is my pleasure to assist you today with your HHonors account.

As a one time exception, we have extended your account through July 31, 2012. 

We appreciate this opportunity to assist you and thank you for your continued loyalty! If you have any further questions or concerns, please don't hesitate to let us know.

So, we have an additional year to stay at a Hilton or earn more points before they threaten us again. Not a total victory but not bad. The squeaky wheel gets the oil, and the squeaky mouse gets what she wants. 

I post this episode to encourage everyone to stand up to corporate bullying. The worst that can happen is that you won't get what you want, but you just may. Remember, the customer holds the purse strings - use them to tie the balls of the big corporations and then TUG!