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Poetry and snark blogger who also has a creative side (who knew?)

Monday, December 31, 2012

Congratulations Newlyweds!

Looks like my little corner of the world has raised the hackles of the wackadoos at Westboro Baptist Church. In case you've been hiding under a rock, Westboro Baptist is a "church" out of Topeka, KS started by Fred Phelps, Sr. and widely considered a hate group. It consists mostly of members of the large Phelps family and is known for their extreme hatred of homosexuality (and just about everything and everyone else!) They have protested at the funerals of soldiers and, most recently, posted of their intention to picket the Newtown funerals. Their delusional belief is that every tragedy in the world is linked to homosexuality—specifically society's increasing tolerance and acceptance of the so-called "homosexual agenda."

Well, as I posted earlier in this blog, Maryland voters said "Yes" to gay marriage in our latest election. This decision has apparently irked the jackwagons at Westboro, so they are headed our way on Jan. 2, which is the first day same sex Marylanders can officially marry.

This is an excerpt from their website before it got hacked: (highlights mine)
Circuit Court for Ann Arndel County in Annapolis, MD January 2, 2013 8:00 AM – 9:00 AM
Maryland held an election. The question on the ballot was: Do we flip off God or not? The people voted to flip off God, AGAIN!
Fag Marriage Dooms Nations. As if Maryland has not done bad enough to show their bare backsides to God, when they put the servants of God on trial, they added to their crimes, that they became the first state to vote in Same-Sex Marriage.
Luke 17:26 And as it was in the days of Noe, so shall it be also in the days of the Son of man.
27 They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, and the flood came, and destroyed them all.
28 Likewise also as it was in the days of Lot; they did eat, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they builded;
29 But the same day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven, and destroyed them all.
30 Even thus shall it be in the day when the Son of man is revealed.
The last offense against God by Noah’s generaiton was same-sex marriage, and then God destroyed them all with the flood. This rebellious generaiton should prepare to meet thy God.
Westboro brings these words of warning, knowing they may be the last that you get. Your duty is to fear and obey God, and do it like you mean it, with joy and gladness.

Happy New Year to all! As if there is not enough hate in this world, these people have to add to it.  I have mixed feelings about even acknowledging the activities of this band of lunatics. They are publicity seekers, and I am loathe to give them more publicity. However, I also feel a duty to speak out against bigotry and intolerance and to let people know that there are those who will stand against hatred.

With that thought in mind, my daughter and I will be joining a peaceful counter-protest in Annapolis. We will not be engaging the Westboro wackos at all but will be demonstrating our love and giving our congratulations to Maryland newlyweds, be they gay or straight. If you're in the area, come join us!

“Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it.”
Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches

Monday, December 24, 2012

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to those who celebrate the holiday!

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Dear Fox News, I Wish...

I’m writing to you
To make perfectly clear
Although I am Jewish
You don’t need to fear
That I want to take Christ
Out of your Christmas
And starting a “war”
Is not on my wish list
There’s more than one festival
Round ‘bout December
It’s nice to acknowledge them all
And remember…
When I say “Happy Holidays,”
 I mean no offense
If you take it that way
You’re just being dense!


Monday, November 12, 2012



My state got it right!

 “Until this election, gay marriage had been defeated more than 30 times when put to voters around the country. But Maryland bucked that trend, voting to allow gay and lesbian couples to obtain civil marriage licenses. The state legislature passed a bill making the change earlier this year, and Governor Martin O’Malley signed it. But opponents successfully petitioned to put the issue before voters, who offered their endorsement Tuesday.” (Washington Post)

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Yes, Finally!

Here is why I like this company:
Today at A tragic lament for those who can't read simple instructions... And a brief chance at redemption.
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We tried. We really did. We picked a 30% Off Coupon Code we thought was super simple. No overlong phrases, no tricky spelling or weird characters.

And yet, somehow, we still ended up getting a lot of complaints of the "your coupon code doesn't work!" variety.

"I tried '30rocks' and it doesn't work! What's this some joke?"

"Why doesn't my code 'thirtyrock' give me the discount you promised?"

"you dispair (sic) people really take the cake!!! i tried 'thirty rocks' over and over and it DIDN'T WORK?!"

How much easier can we make it, people?  The code was 'thirtyrocks'.  Not any other variation some of you inexplicably and unsuccessfully kept trying to use.  No numeric characters.  No spaces.  No quotes.

Listen, Jim D. of Miami, Carol W. of Pershing, Indiana (is that even a real place?), and several others who wrote us angrily over the weekend to complain.  Though I hate to come right out and say it, I need you to do a better job of following instructions in order for this relationship to work.

(Why do I hate to say it? Well, the last time I did I had to duck right after because she threw a flower pot at my head...  If only people understood how much easier life would be for us all if they JUST DID WHAT I SAID...)

Anyway, if you're one of those people who missed out because you can't read, I have a consolation prize for you.  I have created a new coupon code.  It expires tomorrow at midnight.  It still lets you get the 30% discount you 'got cheated out of' (Annie S., Lake Placid, NY)There's just one downside.  By using it, you are making a confession to us.

Your new coupon code is iamdumb.

No quotes. No space. No capital letters. Just type iamdumb when you check out, and you'll still get 30% T-Shirts, Posters, Calendars, Notecard Packs, Pessimist's Mugs / Glasses / Shot Glasses, our Ceramic Mugs, Points of View Glasses, and everything else we sell.

Yeah, I know- it's kind of insulting.  But hey, I'm still cutting you a break!  Because hey, you're dumb!

That's all for today.  I've done my good deed. I still love you. I promise we'll get through this.
Copyright © 2012 Despair, Inc., All rights reserved.
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Our mailing address is:
Despair, Inc.
800 Interchange Blvd
Suite 102
Austin, Texas 78721

Add us to your address book

The following day, they ran this promotion: 

Today at Tragedy turns to outrage- and frustration into a t-shirt..  And you all have Cheryl to thank for it.
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ugh.  now in t-shirt form.

Well, color me surprised.  I got more responses to my last mail than any other in a few years.  Mostly positive.  A couple QUITE negative.

I figured you might actually enjoy reading some of the comments your fellow Despair fans wrote us.  But please make sure to read through them all, so you'll not miss out on apology we're making to one especially offended individual.  (Oh, and so you don't miss out on the t-shirt details.)

From: Marcia
To: The Wailing List

As a teacher who is so often confounded by the ineptitude of students (and sadly, some fellow teachers) at following simple instructions, I heartily applaud your recent missive. I also wish more people would force these lazy humans to accept accountability for their own incompetence rather than trying to place the blame for their errors on someone else. Your chosen coupon code is perfect. I hope it helps to drive our point home. Well done!


From: Catherine
To: The Wailing List

I am so envious of you for having the ability to write and send an e-mail like this to your customer base. I would kill to be able to send this out to my customers... This made my day, and potentially my week.


From: Cady
To: The Wailing List

Dear despair:

It's not often (well, never, until today), that I felt compelled to forward an ad to many family and friends.  The simple truth of this message spoke to my deepest sense of fair play and the overweening ridiculousness of many ill conceived customer complaints. Thanks for reminding us that occasionally, it really is them, not me. 

(last name removed)


From: Mr.W.K.Chim
To: The Wailing List

Hello friend,

I have information/proposal for you about a huge amount lying in my Bank as unclaimed  funds. I would need your assistance in re-profiling the funds belonging to my late client.  Please get back to me if you are interested so I would brief you in more detailed information..

Sorry I can not reveal my identity, the amount involve and my Bank name until i receive your response.

Mr. W.K.Chim


From: Cheryl
To: The Wailing List

Remove me from your mailing list. This was absolutely offensive to me and I refuse to do business with a company that openly insults its customers. I will be writing a letter to your owners and managers to inform them of my disgust with this mistreatment. Perhaps you'll soon be regretting your ill-chosen words.

Cheryl "iamnotdumb" (last name removed)


From: Matt H.
To: The Wailing List

I can already see the comments that "iamdumb." doesn't work :)


From: Darren B.
To: The Wailing List

"EyeAmDumb didn't work.


Tell me you didn't laugh at that last one- we did!

Now, as you'll note, we did have one particular customer (a few actually) who unsubscribed in outrage, apparently greatly offended by the notion that a Despair, Inc. newsletter might actually make a joke a customer's expense.  She's apparently never seen our "INSPECTED BY: Your Mom" stamps on an packing slip, or BitterSweets candy hearts that read, "CELIB8 THX2U", or the perpetually repeated slogan, "We're not satisfied until you're not satisfied..."  It appears she'll be sending an angry letter to our founders, letting them know she's disgusted (and apparently also not dumb).  I can assure her we process all such complaints with a quickness!

On a happier note, a lot of your wrote emails begging us to put the "UGH" graphic on a t-shirt - and at least one (Amy T., holla!) asked if we'd do it while the 30% off sale was still underway.  It actually seemed pretty fitting- so we did and you can order and 'ugh' shirt here!

But alas, the iamdumb 30% off coupon code expires tonight!  So I'm making a new coupon code- 31% off everything in fact- that expires Thursday at midnight.  I figured I might as well memorialize our recently departed Cheryl in the process.  And so:

The last coupon code in this trilogy is cherylisnotdumb

No quotes. No space. No capital letters. Just type cherylisnotdumb when you check out, and you'll be able to get 31% off the new "ugh" t-shirt.  Along with any other T-Shirt, Poster, Calendar, etc.

I really do have to stop all this coupon code stuff tomorrow though.  We're getting very close to the Holiday 2012 new product launches- and I don't want you to run out of money before we unveil all the cool new stuff. I meant what I said a few emails ago- we've got some reason surprises in store this Fall, just around the corner now.  So don't spend ALL your money now... Just all you can get away with without defaulting on your credit card!

Peace out, y'all!
Copyright © 2012 Despair, Inc., All rights reserved.
You Opted-In to receive email alerts from Despair, Inc.
Our mailing address is:
Despair, Inc.
800 Interchange Blvd
Suite 102
Austin, Texas 78721

Add us to your address book

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Happy BBW!

"The books that the world calls immoral are the books that show the world its own shame."--Oscar Wilde

Banned Books Week 2012: September 30 – October 6