It's WAR!!!

"You lookin' at me?"

The war is on! Sheri vs. the evil squirrel empire (Part...I lost count). Those rabid little psychopaths have been swinging maniacally from my seed feeder all winter and scattering sunflower seeds all over the ground to eat (and I WILL get photographic evidence of this, despite their uncanny ability to scamper away the minute I point a lens at them). They may have won the birdseed battle, but now the war is really ON! It's hummingbird season, and I just hung my feeder full of nectar. I am determined to look out of my kitchen window and gaze contentedly upon the graceful beauty of a hummingbird sipping from my feeder and NOT have my sight assaulted by a furry, fat rodent dangling clumsily off my hummingbird feeder, tipping it backward to drunkenly chug my carefully concocted sugar water and spill it all over the deck to attract armies of ants! This summer I may just allow Soni the attack poodle to chase them away. They'll be running for their mortal little lives! HA! This summer I WILL NOT coddle them by offering the squirrels their own dish of sugar water near the trees in the vain hope that they will leave my hummingbird feeder alone. They're a squirrel mafia! Give them a little; they demand more and more until they own you! No, I must take back my yard from these fluffy tailed delinquents! I'm ready; I'm mad; I will not fear the squirrels!!!

I'm a Loser! Again!

Guess what?! I "made ink" in the Washington Post's Style Invitational a second time! My first was with my lovely title for a Bob Staake book cover and this one is for a "googlenope," which is a set of words that get no hits when entered into Google. I won 4th place (again!) and another Loser t-shirt! Yay me! I'm a born LOSER! Mom will be so proud. Here's the link to this past Saturday's Invitational (scroll down to the entries for Week 865) so you can read all the entries that were more clever than mine! http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/05/14/AR2010051402491.html

Stankee Candles

I know I'm igniting controversy by making this statement, but here goes; I HATE YANKEE CANDLES! Not just Yankee Candles but all scented candles, potpourri, air fresheners, perfumes, and other chemically concocted fragrances. I prefer to have my air smell like air, not like a mad scientist's laboratory experiment in creating some artificial hybrid flower-fruit smell. If there's a bad odor in the air, here's a novel idea--open a window! Turn on a fan! Find the source of the odor and get rid of it! Don't light a candle or spray a room freshener to cover up the smell. It doesn't work! You end with the smell of rotting garbage with overtones of lilac perfume and undertones of vanilla spice. Ummm. The minute one of these sins against nature reaches my nostrils, the nasty chemical molecules rise up to my brain and proceed to set off a migraine. I try not to inhale, but one can only hold one's breath or mouth breath for so long. Then, those noxious vapors call forth an ice pick in my eyeball (if you have migraines, you undoubtedly know this feeling intimately). And people pay for this faux fragrance phenomena when there are REAL flowers, pine trees, herbs, and fruits to be had and savored. And what's with the crazy combination of smells that candle manufacturers insist upon inventing? Did Yankee Candle run out of smells for their new line of candles and decide to put every scent they manufactured in a bag, draw out names, and make whatever came out into a new scented candle? Let's see: mango/freesia/cookie dough! Perfect! How about chocolate linen? That one makes you hungry and sleepy! So, I'm sorry if I offended any fragrance fanatics out there, but in my opinion, Yankee Candles blow!

Kentucky Fried Stupid

Does anyone else think the current KFC promotion "Buckets for the Cure" is a tad...off? While I applaud corporate donations to worthy causes, this particular combination strikes me as miscalculated. I mean, I LOVE fried chicken, KFC in particular, even though I know it's terrible for me and my ever expanding waistline. I also donate to the Susan G. Komen foundation for breast cancer research. However, pink buckets of KFC are just wrong. Research has shown that a high fat diet increases the risk of breast cancer. Just what is the fat content of all that KFC oozing its delicious greasiness down the sides of that pink bucket and making a translucent blob on the bottom? Also, something about ordering up a big pink bucket for dinner that contains...BREASTS....well, it's just weird! Maybe McDonald's should consider donating to the American Heart Association every time a customer supersizes! I think I'll go have a salad.