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Poetry and snark blogger who also has a creative side (who knew?)

Monday, May 10, 2010

Stankee Candles

I know I'm igniting controversy by making this statement, but here goes; I HATE YANKEE CANDLES! Not just Yankee Candles but all scented candles, potpourri, air fresheners, perfumes, and other chemically concocted fragrances. I prefer to have my air smell like air, not like a mad scientist's laboratory experiment in creating some artificial hybrid flower-fruit smell. If there's a bad odor in the air, here's a novel idea--open a window! Turn on a fan! Find the source of the odor and get rid of it! Don't light a candle or spray a room freshener to cover up the smell. It doesn't work! You end with the smell of rotting garbage with overtones of lilac perfume and undertones of vanilla spice. Ummm. The minute one of these sins against nature reaches my nostrils, the nasty chemical molecules rise up to my brain and proceed to set off a migraine. I try not to inhale, but one can only hold one's breath or mouth breath for so long. Then, those noxious vapors call forth an ice pick in my eyeball (if you have migraines, you undoubtedly know this feeling intimately). And people pay for this faux fragrance phenomena when there are REAL flowers, pine trees, herbs, and fruits to be had and savored. And what's with the crazy combination of smells that candle manufacturers insist upon inventing? Did Yankee Candle run out of smells for their new line of candles and decide to put every scent they manufactured in a bag, draw out names, and make whatever came out into a new scented candle? Let's see: mango/freesia/cookie dough! Perfect! How about chocolate linen? That one makes you hungry and sleepy! So, I'm sorry if I offended any fragrance fanatics out there, but in my opinion, Yankee Candles blow!

1 comment:

  1. Dave from the "male" roomMay 11, 2010 at 9:33 PM

    Well, hi there! I hope this response finds you in fine fettle! And just what IS a fettle, exactly? Why, I believe a fettle is a large cauldron used by Skanky Candles to create their melange of dubious flavors!
    Once again I take issue with your disparaging of that most basic of food groups.....cookie dough! I'll have you know that most everyone in the known (and unknown) universe (EXCEPT YOU) simply cannot live without cookie dough! So from now on please abstain from hormonal rants criticizing this food of the gods! There - I feel better now....

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