Stankee Candles

I know I'm igniting controversy by making this statement, but here goes; I HATE YANKEE CANDLES! Not just Yankee Candles but all scented candles, potpourri, air fresheners, perfumes, and other chemically concocted fragrances. I prefer to have my air smell like air, not like a mad scientist's laboratory experiment in creating some artificial hybrid flower-fruit smell. If there's a bad odor in the air, here's a novel idea--open a window! Turn on a fan! Find the source of the odor and get rid of it! Don't light a candle or spray a room freshener to cover up the smell. It doesn't work! You end with the smell of rotting garbage with overtones of lilac perfume and undertones of vanilla spice. Ummm. The minute one of these sins against nature reaches my nostrils, the nasty chemical molecules rise up to my brain and proceed to set off a migraine. I try not to inhale, but one can only hold one's breath or mouth breath for so long. Then, those noxious vapors call forth an ice pick in my eyeball (if you have migraines, you undoubtedly know this feeling intimately). And people pay for this faux fragrance phenomena when there are REAL flowers, pine trees, herbs, and fruits to be had and savored. And what's with the crazy combination of smells that candle manufacturers insist upon inventing? Did Yankee Candle run out of smells for their new line of candles and decide to put every scent they manufactured in a bag, draw out names, and make whatever came out into a new scented candle? Let's see: mango/freesia/cookie dough! Perfect! How about chocolate linen? That one makes you hungry and sleepy! So, I'm sorry if I offended any fragrance fanatics out there, but in my opinion, Yankee Candles blow!

Kentucky Fried Stupid

Does anyone else think the current KFC promotion "Buckets for the Cure" is a tad...off? While I applaud corporate donations to worthy causes, this particular combination strikes me as miscalculated. I mean, I LOVE fried chicken, KFC in particular, even though I know it's terrible for me and my ever expanding waistline. I also donate to the Susan G. Komen foundation for breast cancer research. However, pink buckets of KFC are just wrong. Research has shown that a high fat diet increases the risk of breast cancer. Just what is the fat content of all that KFC oozing its delicious greasiness down the sides of that pink bucket and making a translucent blob on the bottom? Also, something about ordering up a big pink bucket for dinner that contains...BREASTS....well, it's just weird! Maybe McDonald's should consider donating to the American Heart Association every time a customer supersizes! I think I'll go have a salad.

MAY THE FOURTH BE WITH YOU!

HAPPY 5/4!!! Get it? Thanks to the Book Club for today's witty post.
And thanks to all who've emailed me about my blithering idiocy. If you want to continue reading the rant (masochists!), you can find my scripto-therapy at http://lolamouse.blogspot.com You can leave comments on the various rants and/or join the "followers" group, of which I now boast "0" (yay me!)

Scrap the Strap

Summer is fast approaching, ladies. It's time we address an issue of utmost importance: visible bra straps. Soon tank tops, halters, sundresses, and spaghetti straps will be rampant and with them, a most unfortunate accessory, visible bra straps (VBS). Don't allow this warm weather plague to infect you, my friends. If your girls are no longer perky enough to permit you to go braless when wearing these summery items, then please, please, PLEASE invest in a strapless bra or perform some other method of strap subterfuge. No one wants to see a cute little summer dress or sexy sleeveless number and then see your dingy, fraying bra strap crawling out from under it like some pillbug from under a rock! YUCK! Nuff said.



VBS with tank top (and Amy Winehouse is usually so classy!)