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Poetry and snark blogger who also has a creative side (who knew?)

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Proud to Be an Arachnid American!

I received a puzzling letter today. It's from a "Señor Araña" (Mister Spider) in response to Jon Stewart's upcoming Rally to Restore Sanity on the National Mall on October 30. Why he chose me to receive his missive I do not know, but he asked that I publish it on my blog for the world (all 5 or so of you!) to see. As I believe that he means only to educate and has no terrorist intentions, I will comply with his request. Here is his letter:

Dear Señor Stewart,

My name is Juan Araña, and I am an arachnid. I am also a huge fan of the Daily Show and tune in regularly for your humorous and informed take on the current events in our world.  I was so excited when you announced your Rally to Restore Sanity on the National Mall and immediately began planning my trip to Washington for this historic event.  Now, because of your fearmongering, I worry that my life may be in danger should I attend.

You, Señor Stewart, are usually such an educated and rational man and display more than tolerance, but acceptance, toward minorities of all persuasions.  This is why I am so disappointed in your statement about my brethren, arachnids. You stated, "I'm not afraid of Muslims, Tea Partiers, socialists, immigrants, gun owners or gays, but I am kind of scared of spiders." Shame on you, Señor! As a gay, Hispanic, Arachnid American, I have been subject to all sorts of prejudice and discrimination.  I am in this country legally. I and my 367 brothers and sisters hatched out of our eggsack in America to an American born mother, who ate our American born father. Nevertheless, there are those who think I do not belong in this country. I am harassed for my sexual orientation as well. I ask you, if mating with a female could end in literally being killed and devoured, might you not try the other team? And even though only just a few of the many thousands of spiders that exist are poisonous to humans, we arachnids are feared and reviled. You could have helped our cause by educating the public about our usefulness and beauty, but, no, you heightened the hatred. If I had tear ducts, I would cry. 

Señor Stewart, you are a good man. Please reconsider your stance on spiders. It's time to end the fear and the hatred and the squishing and join hands and legs and legs and legs and legs and...well, you get the point, in unity.   Arachnid Americans have rights too!

Juan Araña


  1. Where in the HE double L do you draw on this from???
    Too freakin funny. :0)
    From moi to you...I would gather some of my material and find a publisher.
    psssssssssssssssst money,green backs, moola.
    Well you get the picture.
    Seriously though, your way of writing is pure wit and a delight to read.

  2. Viva la spider!

    It's true. The intolerance shown spiders really is over the top and where is the OUTRAGE!!! I will proudly march for the rights of our sister arachnids ... and any other critter that will eat a cockroach.

  3. Where are the guys in white coats when you need them.

  4. OMG! This was so damned funny! I really needed a laugh today and you delivered big time. Thank you for that. Very creative; I like how your mind works.

  5. Thanks so much for your comments (including the one about the white coats!) My mind works in odd ways sometimes and I just have to go with it for the ride! Glad I could bring a few laughs to your day.


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