C'Mon, Get Happy!

What has the world come to? First Florence Henderson struts her wrinkled, old hoochie stuff on "Dancin' With the Stars," and now my former pre-teen crush David Cassidy has been arrested in South Florida for DUI!!! My innocent memories of "The Brady Bunch" and "The Partridge Family" may never recover after this double whammy! And, tell me, how did David Cassidy get to be 60 years old?!! That's old, dude! How the heck could I have a crush on an old dude? Of course, he claims that he wasn't drunk but tired from an early morning funeral he attended. He also admitted to taking a pain pill for his back. UGH! Attending funerals and back problems! That's no way for a teen idol to behave!!! And have you seen his mug shot? It makes Lindsay Lohan's look like it was done at Glamour Shots!

not a good look for David

 

This is how David should look

David, David, David. You went from a psychedelic bus to a white Mercedes, from a groovy hippie kid to an alcohol abusing, pain killer using old guy. How could this happen to one of my very first crushes when I've managed to remain so vibrant, youthful, and sexy this entire time? Ah, the mysteries of the universe...

A Hollywood Minute

I, for one, feel sorry for poor Lilo. She's obviously done so many drugs and drank so much alcohol that her once (being generous here) average sized brain is now looking like a moth-eaten cashmere that's been pickled in grout cleaner. Her skin tone resembles wet cement, and she is about as coherent as an 18 month old who's had WAY too many cookies and missed his nap time. Why, she doesn't even have the short-term memory capacity to remember that she wants to tell the judge to "F" off in court, so she has to write herself crib notes on her fingernail. How will she ever be able to learn her lines for scripts with this level of disability? Such a pity...