My photo
Poetry and snark blogger who also has a creative side (who knew?)

Friday, June 17, 2011

We Never Covered This In Driver's Ed!

And you thought it was dangerous to drive and text at the same time! From the files of inexplicable behavior, I bring you a recent case from the Fairfax County, VA Circuit Court that is set to go to trial next week: "Having sex at 85 miles per hour while drunk on a freeway is willful and wanton negligence."(

The defendant, court records show, crashed into a taxi on the Beltway near Telegraph Road in May of last year. He was convicted of drunken driving, but the cab driver filed suit asking for $75,000 in damages. Among the allegations of this lawsuit are the following: (from Washington Post)

Paragraph 10. “At the time of the collision, Defendant was going 85 miles per hour.”

Paragraph 12. “At the time of the collision, Defendant was having sex with a female.”

Paragraph13. “At the time of the collision, Defendant was driving admittedly drunk.”

Paragraph 14. “At the time of the accident, Defendant was partially or totally in the backseat of the car.”

For those readers who are not from around these parts, this accident occurred on "The Beltway," a major thoroughfare around the Washington, D.C. metropolitan area. There is always major traffic on the Beltway. Traffic on this road moves like a herd of stampeding turtles. Thus, my first thought when reading these allegations was, "How the heck could anyone possibly drive 85 on the Beltway?!!" My second thought was, "What happened to Paragraph 11?" Wasn't there some important allegation in there? And lastly, "In the backseat of the car?!!" Now either this guy is sporting some major porn star quality junk or has the flexibility of Gumby, but I still don't see how this is possible.

The explanation, of course, is that the defendant insists that someone else was driving the car at the time, but that person claims that he wasn't driving either! The woman involved has been dismissed from the case.

So, to sum up: We have one woman, two guys, at least one of whom is drunk and having sex, all in a car traveling at 85 miles per hour on a freeway with no one driving. Sounds like a YouTube video to me!


  1. Well...I just find it agreeable that the woman walked away Scot free, undoubtedly smiling mysteriously to herself all the while. You go, girl!

  2. man, does EVERYBODY know what i was doing last May? shit.

  3. They broke my record of 69mph while paragraph 12 and 14 are partially applicable. All this while writing my blog and eating a bean burrito. Phew! Felt good getting this off my chest. Damn burrito stains.


Rant with me. Come on, you know you want to!