My photo
Poetry and snark blogger who also has a creative side (who knew?)

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Based Upon a True Story (part 1)

 Co-written by my fabulous, wonderful, and utterly flawless daughter Allison (Temari)

Once upon a time there were two princesses, both shining examples of consummate perfection. Unfortunately, the rest of their family was not, and this family was coming over to the castle for a Christmas feast. The princesses toiled away for days preparing for the family's arrival until all of the food, decorations, and entertainment were nearly as perfect as they were. Princess Lolamouse had only just finished an intricate plating design with the gingerbread when her husband, Prince Luke Warm, M.D., obliviously thrust his hand in the middle of it to snatch up a reindeer. "That was for company, dear," squeaked Princess Lolamouse. "Mmpfpmfpfm," he said around a mouth of crumbs.

Suddenly Princess Temari ran in, a look of urgency and disgust gracing her perfect features. "Sister, sister, " she cried. "Deven and SteeDee are here!" Princess Lolamouse groaned. Why her husband had insisted on inviting his brother and stepmother she would never understand, but being the supportive and perfect princess that she was, she accepted it graciously. Princess Temari opened the castle gate and warmly welcomed Deven and SteeDee. As she attempted to bestow a hug upon her step grandmother, she was promptly ignored as SteeDee flew past her to complain to her son the doctor. "This was such a miserable trip! That carriage was so bumpy! I'm not coming next year! I'm not getting any younger, you know! And that boy nearly got us lost 3 times-he couldn't steer a horse to save his dear mother's life!" Prince Deven, looking haggard, trudged into the castle rubbing his temples. "She didn't shut up the whole trip. I'm going to take a nap." And he disappeared into the castle dungeon for the rest of the afternoon.

SteeDee gave an exaggerated sigh. "I think he sleeps way too much!" The princesses exchanged a knowing glance, sensing that their perfect serenity was about to come to an abrupt end.

That evening the family gathered for a glorious repast made much less glorious by SteeDee's constant harping upon Prince Deven to find a more stable job. "What happens when the king tires of mimes? Then what will you do, hmm? I always insisted that my husband have a steady, reliable job, and I'll tell you, he made a fine tailor!" Prince Luke Warm, M.D., in a vain attempt to distract Deven from SteeDee's insults, said, "Deven, I'm having a horrible time getting the trees in my orchard to grow. Perhaps you could give me some advice out in the garden?" Prince Deven replied, "No need to go outside, bro. I already know what the problem is. You're trying to grow pear trees in soil that isn't right for them. What you need are apple trees! They'll grow like weeds!" SteeDee, never one to drop an issue, squawked "Well, if you know so much about apples, maybe you should sell them for a living!" "Yes," said Deven. "And after my first day of work, I could go home and throw myself in the moat." He then grabbed several pieces of gingerbread and returned to the dungeon. "Watch how many cookies you eat, Deven! You're getting fat!"

The next morning the princesses entered the dining hall to find SteeDee on another endless tirade. Prince Luke Warm, M.D. was nodding along to appear sympathetic. " no sleep at all! Deven and his lyre had me up all night! He was up way too late! That boy doesn't sleep enough!" The princesses made a prompt exit without comment.

Later, at lunch, the dysfunctional family sat around the table; only Deven was missing. "Is that boy sleeping again?" SteeDee whined. "I swear, all he does is sleep!" Just then, Deven ascended from the dungeon to grab more gingerbread. "I'm glad you like the gingerbread, Prince Deven," Princess Lolamouse exclaimed. "SteeDee told me it was your favorite." "Yes, they're really goo-" "Are you eating more cookies? Save some for other people!" SteeDee interrupted. Deven sighed and slumped back to the dungeon.
To Be Continued...


  1. Whoa! WOW! Holy Shit!
    Bless his lil pea pickin heart........
    They say love is must be HARD OF HEARING too.
    Real confidance builder that SteeDee is. NOT!!!

  2. I hope someone curses her ass out in part 2.


Rant with me. Come on, you know you want to!