Saturday, June 19, 2010
My dog is a pervert. Last week I had to buy 3 new pairs of undies because my poodle chewed several pairs of mine to shreds! At first I thought that our washer had gone on the fritz and was ripping up our clothes but kept wondering why only my unmentionables kept getting destroyed. Then I realized the horrifying truth; our dog has a thing for my undies. YUCK. Several telltale clues plus my Encyclopedia Brownish powers of deduction led to this unnerving discovery. First, there was a pair of undies on the floor that I had taken off the night before (I know, I should've put them in the hamper. I'm a slob.) When I put them back on the following morning to quickly walk my daughter to the bus stop for school, they were wet. Hmmm...I don't have a bladder control issue. They were dry the previous night. Very suspicious..... Second, there were several instances when my undies popped up in various odd places around the house-in the hallway, in the bathroom, on my floor, when I knew that I had put them in the hamper. Furthermore, some of these undies were shredded! Undies don't typically locomote of their own accord. Very suspicious.... Lastly, as my husband and I were in bed the other evening, our dog proceeded to jump off the bed (yes, he sleeps with us, and I don't want to hear anything about it!) and run to our closet where we keep the hamper. We looked over at him, and he had his nose buried in the hamper. Soon enough had pulled out....a pair of my undies!!! Well, I cracked the case right then and there! I couldn't have trained him to perform this feat if I had spent 2 years working on it, but it seems that he has learned to find my underwear from a pile of clothes, pull it out, slobber all over it, and then chew it to pieces. Maybe I could get him on "Amazing Pet Tricks." BAD DOG!!!