We ALL come with baggage. No, this is not a post about exploring how our past traumas affect our current relationships (you don't get that kind of stuff from me for free!) This is about the utter impossibility of taking a vacation without luggage of some sort. How to best pack that luggage to meet the whims of the airline industry is, indeed, a riddle wrapped in dirty socks.
Flying out of the U.S. to Italy, we were allowed 1 checked bag and 2 carry-ons. Of course, the checked bag had to be under the weight limit of the airline (not specified anywhere unless you ask and until you're actually in line to check your bag.) If your bag is overweight, they charge you an extra $200! REALLY?!! $200?!! The entire contents of my bag aren't worth that much!
After making sure the bags are all in order, are not obese, are not containing anything illegal or unacceptable, we present them to the airline clerk who labels them and then tells us to take them. Huh? There's a conveyor belt right behind her! Why not put our bags on it like they always do? OH NO! Not any more! We have to drag our bags out of the line, around the corner, and present them to the baggage people ourselves. Why don't we load them on the plane too? Maybe then they'd actually get to our destination?
For the trip home from Italy, we know the drill, though, or so we think. We carefully pack everything in 1 checked bag a piece and 2 carry-ons. Nope! The airline in Italy allows 2 checked bags and 1 carry-on! Repack everything AGAIN!
Now I hear that Spirit Airlines has a new policy where they are going to charge passengers to use the overheard compartment to store their carry-on luggage.
http://abcnews.go.com/Travel/spirit-airlines-ceo-defends-luggage-fees-tells-congress/story?id=11162586
The CEO of the airline has the audacity to claim that having luggage on vacation was not "essential" to travel and that by "bundling" services, such as charging for luggage and, say, sustenance, they are actually helping "the poor" to fly. Have you stopped laughing? (or crying?) How about this as an advertising pitch for Spirit: "We'd just lose your luggage anyway, so with Spirit, don't bring any! We save you the stress of filling out lost baggage forms!"
Did I mention that I hate airline travel?
- Lolamouse
- Poetry and snark blogger who also has a creative side (who knew?)
Showing posts with label airline travel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label airline travel. Show all posts
Friday, July 16, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Silence of the Lambs, Lament of the Loon, and Why I Hate Airline Travel: Part IV
Why does increasing altitude bring out the crazy in people? I think those so called "lifejackets" they claim are under your seat for emergencies are really straightjackets in case the wackjobs get too nutso. For instance, on our last flight my poor husband had to sit next to subnormal body temperature woman. The plane was really stuffy, so we opened the air vents above our seats to allow those refreshing gusts of fresh air to blow down on us like the weak, hot breath of a dehydrated kitten. After a couple of minutes, subnormal body temperature woman squirmed around uncomfortably and looked peevish. After a minute more, she fidgeted with her air vent and asked if it was closed (it was). She shifted in her seat again and looked at the vents. "I'm cold. Are your vents blowing on me?" My husband readjusted the vents to make sure that no stray air molecules would drift her way and told her so. She still wasn't happy. "It's so cold in here!" she whined, clearly expecting him to close the vents (think again, girlie! The wife wants air; the wife gets air.) Finally, she grabbed the blanket from under her seat and wrapped herself in it like a cocoon, or a straightjacket!
Then, there was the walking Hannibal Lecter. You know that evil eyed look that Anthony Hopkins had when he played Hannibal? Imagine his doppelganger pacing up and down the aisle of the plane by your seat throughout the 8 hour flight. Stopping only to stare. Then pacing again. Then staring. This guy seriously creeped me out! He never spoke a word. Just walked. Up and down the aisle.
By the time the our asylum in the air landed, I was in serious need of some psychotropic meds myself. LET ME OUT!!!
Then, there was the walking Hannibal Lecter. You know that evil eyed look that Anthony Hopkins had when he played Hannibal? Imagine his doppelganger pacing up and down the aisle of the plane by your seat throughout the 8 hour flight. Stopping only to stare. Then pacing again. Then staring. This guy seriously creeped me out! He never spoke a word. Just walked. Up and down the aisle.
By the time the our asylum in the air landed, I was in serious need of some psychotropic meds myself. LET ME OUT!!!
Friday, July 9, 2010
Travel Tip for Airport Screening: Go Braless or Why I Hate Airline Travel: Part II
Think insurance will cover PTSD from airline travel? Why does airport screening have to be so fear inducing and humiliating? I was prepared to encounter the full body scanner and have the highly trained and professional security personnel giggle at my jiggles, but, alas, no such technology at Dulles. I was NOT prepared to have my innocent 14 year-old daughter be subjected to a full frontal assault from security because of her bra!!!
After emptying pockets of such terrorist weapons as keys, spare change, and nail clips, and removing footwear that contained nothing but sweaty feet (perhaps a weapon of mass destruction at that!), my husband and I made it through the security checkpoint. Our daughter, however, set off the alarm as she walked through the gate. Does your heart leap out of your chest when that happens? Do you feel like you've been caught shoplifting a Gucci bag from the Duty Free store when, in fact, you know full well you've done nothing wrong? Well, we all know what that alarm means-20 questions time!
Are you carrying anything metal? Is there anything in your pockets? Do you have a pacemaker? Have you crammed any illegal weapons into your body cavities this morning? After trying in vain to convince security that my daughter's braces set off the alarm, she was asked if she was wearing a bra? WHAT?!! Then they wanted to know if it was an underwire! If the next question was what color is it and does it have lace, I was going to slap the security guy in the face! But as it turns out, underwire bras can set off the security alarm. So....
14 year-old daughter must get patted down by (female) security guard to make sure that she is, indeed, wearing an underwire bra and not hiding anything dangerous or illegal on her person. Mom is told to step aside and retrieve daughter's carry-on, to which I replied, "No, I will stand right here and monitor." The guard then proceeds to do such a thorough job of "patting down" my daughter that I doubt she'll need a clinical breast exam any time soon! If a boy had tried that on her, I think she would have broken his arm (at least I hope she would have!) Finally, it is determined that, yes, this 14 year-old girl is, in fact, wearing a bra and not concealing terrorist weapons. She is allowed to board the plane, and we all feel just a little safer and a lot more traumatized.
After emptying pockets of such terrorist weapons as keys, spare change, and nail clips, and removing footwear that contained nothing but sweaty feet (perhaps a weapon of mass destruction at that!), my husband and I made it through the security checkpoint. Our daughter, however, set off the alarm as she walked through the gate. Does your heart leap out of your chest when that happens? Do you feel like you've been caught shoplifting a Gucci bag from the Duty Free store when, in fact, you know full well you've done nothing wrong? Well, we all know what that alarm means-20 questions time!
Are you carrying anything metal? Is there anything in your pockets? Do you have a pacemaker? Have you crammed any illegal weapons into your body cavities this morning? After trying in vain to convince security that my daughter's braces set off the alarm, she was asked if she was wearing a bra? WHAT?!! Then they wanted to know if it was an underwire! If the next question was what color is it and does it have lace, I was going to slap the security guy in the face! But as it turns out, underwire bras can set off the security alarm. So....
14 year-old daughter must get patted down by (female) security guard to make sure that she is, indeed, wearing an underwire bra and not hiding anything dangerous or illegal on her person. Mom is told to step aside and retrieve daughter's carry-on, to which I replied, "No, I will stand right here and monitor." The guard then proceeds to do such a thorough job of "patting down" my daughter that I doubt she'll need a clinical breast exam any time soon! If a boy had tried that on her, I think she would have broken his arm (at least I hope she would have!) Finally, it is determined that, yes, this 14 year-old girl is, in fact, wearing a bra and not concealing terrorist weapons. She is allowed to board the plane, and we all feel just a little safer and a lot more traumatized.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Cocoa Almonds Are a Terrorist Threat or Why I Hate Airline Travel
I HATE AIRLINE TRAVEL!!! Just got back from our Italy trip (most awesome! I love seeing new places, trying new food, experiencing new customs; I just hate getting there!)
Our family arrived in Rome after a long, tiring flight to discover that my poor husband's suitcase was stranded in Munich. He had no extra clothes, it was in the mid 90's, and his meds, toothbrush, toothpaste, and deodorant were all packed in the suitcase since you can't actually carry any of these items with you on the plane because they're either potentially deadly or don't fit in the 6 square inches allotted for personal carry-on luggage.
After speaking with representatives from the lost luggage department for Lufthansa, he was assured that his luggage would be sent by courier to the hotel later that evening. Surprise! It wasn't. Then he was told that it might come during the night and be there in the morning. Nope. But Dave sure felt much fresher after his shower, my green tea/cucumber antiperspirant, and his aired out 2 day old dirty clothes!
Finally, the suitcase magically appeared in our room that evening to much celebration. Upon opening it, however, my ever patient husband found that among his packed clothes were strewn hundreds of cocoa dusted almonds! Now this is not quite as weird as it may seem; I did pack snacks in the suitcase for our trip, and a jar of peanuts and a jar of almonds were among those snacks. However, both jars entered the suitcase completely sealed. The peanut jar (transparent glass) remained untouched. The almond jar (opaque plastic) had been opened, the plastic inner seal removed, and the contents apparently poured out ALL OVER THE SUITCASE! I'm not sure what security thought we had hidden in there, but as a result of their overly thorough luggage search, my husband had chocolate scented clothes on our trip (but at least he had his clothes!) So, a travel tip for those wanting to pack snacks-DON'T! Those airport security folks are nuts!
Our family arrived in Rome after a long, tiring flight to discover that my poor husband's suitcase was stranded in Munich. He had no extra clothes, it was in the mid 90's, and his meds, toothbrush, toothpaste, and deodorant were all packed in the suitcase since you can't actually carry any of these items with you on the plane because they're either potentially deadly or don't fit in the 6 square inches allotted for personal carry-on luggage.
After speaking with representatives from the lost luggage department for Lufthansa, he was assured that his luggage would be sent by courier to the hotel later that evening. Surprise! It wasn't. Then he was told that it might come during the night and be there in the morning. Nope. But Dave sure felt much fresher after his shower, my green tea/cucumber antiperspirant, and his aired out 2 day old dirty clothes!
Finally, the suitcase magically appeared in our room that evening to much celebration. Upon opening it, however, my ever patient husband found that among his packed clothes were strewn hundreds of cocoa dusted almonds! Now this is not quite as weird as it may seem; I did pack snacks in the suitcase for our trip, and a jar of peanuts and a jar of almonds were among those snacks. However, both jars entered the suitcase completely sealed. The peanut jar (transparent glass) remained untouched. The almond jar (opaque plastic) had been opened, the plastic inner seal removed, and the contents apparently poured out ALL OVER THE SUITCASE! I'm not sure what security thought we had hidden in there, but as a result of their overly thorough luggage search, my husband had chocolate scented clothes on our trip (but at least he had his clothes!) So, a travel tip for those wanting to pack snacks-DON'T! Those airport security folks are nuts!
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