Mullet Madness

Billy Ray, King of the Mullet

I know that fashion trends are ephemeral. Thus, I typically reserve my scorn for "fashions" that are unusually ugly or ridiculous, such as jeggings, parachute pants, and dresses inspired by hideous 80s haircuts. That's right, my little pretties, I'm referring to the mullet dress.

Whoever thought that patterning a dress after a hairstyle that embarrassed thousands, if not millions, of people who later regained their sanity must have been smoking crack! Like it's eponymous haircut, the mullet dress is short in the front and long in the back. It's a dress that can't make up its mind. Does it want to be a cute, sexy mini or an ethereal cocktail gown? It wants to be all things but ends up an ambiguous mess.

Should this be inspiring fashion?

Personally, I think mullet dresses began when some designer attempted to make a long gown and screwed up the hemline. Not having enough fabric for a do-over and not wanting to present a short dress to his client, he fudged the project and cut the front of the dress short, leaving the back long. "Voila!" he said with a flourish, as he unveiled the monstrosity. "You have a one of a kind look! Soon everyone will be wanting one of these 'high-low' dresses, mark my words!" To lend veracity to his bullshit, he added an upcharge to the dress to reflect the extra "creativity" and "artfulness" of the look. The client bought his load of crap, and the mullet dress was born.

I can only hope that it will soon die.

Just say "NO" to the Mullet Dress

Someone's gonna hate her wedding photos in 10 years!