Breathe...

So, still doing the yoga thing. This morning, my mind had things on its mind other than "being here now." It's really amazing how many irrelevant and garbled thoughts can travel through my brain in the space of one respiration!

"Inhale..."

Oh my God! My feet look disgusting! How long has it been since I've used moisturizer on them?!! They have more cracks and peels than the ceiling of a tenement! 

Maybe I should've stayed home. My daughter is sick. What if she starts puking and chokes on her vomit and here I am in relaxation pose. The guilt!

What do I need to get at the store after this? What are those thingies called that prevent colds? I wonder if they work or if they're just a rip-off.

What is with that woman on the mat next to me? She sounds like Darth Vader when she breathes!

Why is my left side still so much tighter than my right? I've been doing this for years now. You would think I'd have achieved some symmetry at this point!

My yoga mat smells like a combination of dirty socks and Fritos! How can that be? How does one clean a yoga mat?

Why did I paint my toenails such a bright red color? It's like I'm saying, "Hey, look over here at my disgusting feet!" I may as well have put a neon sign on them. 

I didn't think my yoga teacher's butt could get any rounder, but yet it has. It's like a perfect little bun. I hate her so much!

Looking at my watch is not "being here now." I will not look at my watch. OK, maybe just a glance. Just once. 

I think it must have stopped. We've definitely been doing this more than 20 minutes already.

WTF is a reverse triangle? Isn't a reverse triangle just a triangle? You can't fool me.

Why did they have to kill off Angela on Boardwalk Empire? What's the message here? Smart, independent, free thinking  women who don't fit society's expectations wind up dead? 

Oh no! Balancing poses. I hate balancing poses. Keep your focus. Stare at that doorknob. Stop glancing around! You're going to fall...crap.

I wonder if anyone else can hear my stomach growling.

I can't believe I forgot to buy milk at the grocery store yesterday! Is that a sign of Alzheimer's? Who goes grocery shopping and forgets milk? Who does that?!!

If I have to hold this twisted lunge position one more second, I think I'm going to get a hernia.

What is a hernia, anyway?

Oy vey, did the teacher fall asleep up there? Maybe she died, and her body rigor mortised into a twisted lunge position, and now we'll never get out of it!

I hope I don't run into anyone I know in the store after class. There's some serious camel toe happening in these yoga pants today. Ugh.

It has to be almost relaxation time. I know it. I can feel it winding down. Aw, man! Low plank?!! That's not cool.

Yes! Finally! 

"Exhale."

Gobble

Steal This Book!

Do you love to read?

Do you love free stuff?

Do you give to others (monetary donations, food, clothing, etc.)?

If you answered "Yes" to the above, I have a website for you! It's called Concord Free Press. Concord Free Press publishes and gives away books. That's right. They give away books. All that they ask in return is that once you've finished reading the book you receive from them, you pass it along to someone else and that you make a donation to a charity or to someone in need (whatever you want to whomever you want) and chart it on their website. Cool, huh?

Concord Free Press wants to "reconceptualize the goals of publishing." They are not about making money but creating value. They aim to connect writers to readers and generate donations within communities and abroad. I've requested and received one book from them already and have requested my second. They do only small print runs, so there are limited numbers of books, generally only once or twice a year. You can get on their mailing list and be informed when a new one comes out.

Given all the crap that we get ripped off for every day by corporations big and small, I just thought it would be nice to let my readers know about an organization that is doing something good. Be a part of it. Here's the link:  http://www.concordfreepress.com

Another Reason to Love Neil Gaiman

And Now For Something Completely Different....

Hubby was at a conference in Charlottesville, VA, where I used to go to school. I remembered (much too fondly) a little donut place called Spudnuts that had the most awesome donuts. Wouldn't you know, he found it and brought me home a dozen honey glazed (my absolute fav!) and 1/2 dozen chocolate covered. What a guy!

In Halloween news, my daughter looked awesome as Abby from NCIS.

 
My dogs, Soni and Puck, were dressed as a doctor and nurse for the occasion.

We've had Puck for nearly a year now (adopted him at about age 4) and still haven't been able to totally housebreak him (as my tinkle soaked scrapbooks will attest to-BAD DOG!), so I got crafty and made him a belly band. It wraps around his waist and has an absorbent pad inside it (actually a Kotex!) He doesn't seem to mind, and now he can roam the house, and I don't have to worry about my carpet, furniture, and possessions getting marked. I will, however, have the vet check him out again at his next appointment to make sure all is well physically.

Hey, I'm secure enough in my masculinity to wear a Kotex!

Hope you all had a good Halloween if you participate. Happy November. Please keep my friend Micael in your thoughts. He's in the hospital with a serious illness and needs good vibes.