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Poetry and snark blogger who also has a creative side (who knew?)

Friday, October 21, 2011

Barbie Girls

You can't say that Barbie doesn't keep up with the times, people! Introducing new todidoki Barbie! Get an eyefull of this new addition to the family! She comes complete with permanent ink on her upper torso, a pink bob, tight mini, and a pet named Bastardino. She's described on the Barbie Collector website as "...always ready for cutting-edge fashion! She pops on a pink miniskirt, logo leggings and black top with signature skull heart and bones, carries a large bag from the brand, then adds bracelets, a belt, and sky-high sparkly silvery shoes! This funky fashionista [is] ready for fun in fashion-forward form."

Of course, there's already been controversy about whether or not a tattoo sporting Barbie is appropriate for children. Given the fact that 24 percent of people between the ages of 18 and 50 and 36 percent between the ages of 18 and 29 have at least one tattoo, arguing about a doll seems rather pointless to me. And at $50 a pop, tokidoki Barbie is being marketed as a collector's item rather than as a toy. Yes, there are many, many adults who collect Barbies. Tokidoki Barbie is a "lifestyle" Barbie. With this in mind, I've scoured the internet in search of other "lifestyle" Barbies that may be of interest to the serious collector. Here is the treasure trove I have discovered:

Trailer Park Barbie
Turleen is a sophisticated and patriotic American and a model working mother. After hours of hard work gathering carts at the Honk & Holler and waitressing at the elegant Bowlarama, she still finds time to spend quality time with her kids.

With seven children and one on the way, she recently won the Mother of the Year Award from the Pink Flamingo Trailer Park Homeowners Association!
This special trophy sits proudly on the kitchen window sill in her luxurious double-wide next to her six first place Little Miss Guzzler Awards from the county fair! Yes this honey has grown up! She's got a bun in the oven and she's ready to hit the town!
Just push her belly button and Trash Talkin' Turleen will share some pearls of wisdom with the sophistication and style that makes her family and third grade teacher proud.
Turleen stands approximately 12" tall. 

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Punk Rock Barbie

With her colorful mohawk, safety pin nosering and chain, and anarchy fashion jacket, this Barbie is ready to rock!

She and her friends love to hang out wherever they're not welcome and make people uncomfortable with their loud music, insult hurling, and provocative clothing (Barbie's accessories include BDSM collar and wrist cuffs, Karl Marx T-shirt, tutu, fishnet stockings, and Doc Martens).

Emo Barbie
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Poor Emo Barbie! No one understands her. She may as well slit her slender, ivory wrists and watch as the crimson droplets fall to the floor. That's why this special edition Barbie comes with several dozen razor blades!

Dressed in her favorite color, black, Emo Barbie wants to show just how miserable her life can be. This one-of-a-kind Barbie is unable to smile, which really makes her a stand-out among the Barbie family!

Emo Barbie comes with interchangeable hairstyles, from black to red, for when she's feeling slightly less suicidal. Accessories include a chain belt, black lipstick, and plenty of black eyeliner, specially designed to run down her face, for that "just been crying" look that emos love! Get her today because there may not be a tomorrow!

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Exotic Dancer Barbie
Who says Barbie can't have a lucrative career? Meet Exotic Dancer Barbie! She's fit and fabulous and freaky! Shake it, girl! This Barbie knows how to work it. She comes with her own stage (pole sold separately), pasties, 3 glittery g-strings, and a half-dozen ping pong balls. (Lap Dance Ken also sold separately)

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Gangsta Bitch Barbie
Bitches better watch out cuz Gansta Bitch Barbie be comin'. She one mean mutha and she ready to settle the score with the bitch who put her away for 3 years. And she don't give a f*** who get caught in the crossfire.

This Barbie comes with doorag, smokes, low riding jeans, white T with drug ref, gun, and meth recipe. Purchase the Limited Edition Gangsta Barbie and receive a beautiful, bedazzled keepsake Glock along with your doll! (not available to registered felons)

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Goth Barbie
Say hell-o to Goth Barbie! This raven haired beauty loves to go "lurking around in urban dungeons, inhaling whip-its, and asking complete strangers to pierce her genitalia. (Glitter Great Sarcophagus sold separately")  Note: Please keep Goth Barbie out of direct sunlight. 

Come on, people! The holidays are only a few short weeks away! I know there must be some special folks on your list who would just love one of these "lifestyle" Barbies for their very own! I, myself, find them much more inspirational than the boring blond chick with the tiny waist and huge boobs from my own childhood (as well as the Barbies!)


  1. Oh dear. I laughed the most at the guy doll with the money in his hand for pole dancer Barbie. And, I don't even want to know why she comes with ping pong balls.

  2. I am running out to buy these for my daughters. And, heck, I'll get one for my son, as well. They're educational, right?

  3. My brother refused to let anyone in the family buy his girls barbies for Christmas, so, I bought them for years Polly Pockets, the jokes on him with all those teenie tiny accessories. I still have my 1970's Cher Barbie, I'm hoping she will one day fetch a good dollar for our retirement. Love all of these barbie products, they are a joke, right?

  4. I kinda like her! But then I won't tell you how many I already have - or what I paid for them.

    The Cyndi Lauper, Joan Jett, and Debbie Harry ones are hella cool though....

  5. Holy cow. I always thought my parents were a little overly conservative for not letting me have Barbie dolls when I was little, but I never really minded. They thought Barbie promoted a warped sense of reality, but obviously they were wrong. She's real folks... and she comes with the razor blades to prove it?!?!

  6. Ha! Thanks for the laugh. I love seeing Barbie's multiple personalities!

  7. MicaelChadwick is right...I have the Joan Jett barbie and she rocks!


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