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Poetry and snark blogger who also has a creative side (who knew?)

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Can You Say L-I-T-I-G-A-T-I-O-N? Let's Say It Together!

Oh no! I've committed yet another horrendous parenting mistake by my flippant ignorance and disregard of societal expectations. I fear I may have condemned my poor daughter to a life of flipping burgers at the local MacStupid's due to my lackluster attempts at choosing her preschool 12 years ago. I visited the one my friend's kids had gone to, liked it, and sent her there. How careless and neglectful of me! Not once did I ask to see their mission statement. Never did I question how the preschool would prepare my daughter for the "high stakes" testing to come during her later school years. I was so uninformed that I didn't even scoff at the toys that were littered around the room! Can you imagine? TOYS?!! I only hope that my daughter's innate intelligence will compensate for my parental shortcomings. We can't all be as vigilant as Nicole Imprescia, my new role model.

Ms. Imprescia, of NY, is suing her daughter Lucia's preschool for $19,000, which is the cost of tuition for the private preschool. Little Lucia was pulled out of said school after only a few weeks because her mother felt that her daughter was not being well served academically. Specifically, Lucia was "dumped" in with 2 and 3 year-olds who were learning about shapes and colors. Ms. Imprescia claims that the preschool, York Avenue Preschool, did not fulfill its promise to prepare Lucia for the required entrance exam that is needed to get into New York's most select and elite elementary schools. Additionally, she claims that the preschool teachers did not do enough to help prepare Lucia for the Ivy League. "A toddler who takes the wrong first step could ultimately trip up his or her chances for acceptance into an Ivy League college and for earning a higher income," the lawsuit states. According to Imprescia, York Avenue Preschool was "one big playroom."

How awful! Can you imagine a bunch of 2, 3, and 4 year-olds in a big playroom learning about shapes and colors?!! It's amazing that someone hadn't reported these charlatans to the Department of Education, Social Services, and the police before now! Thank God little Lucia was rescued from that hell hole before she was damaged any further! Who knows what may have happened had she been allowed to stay. She may have been taught songs, and not in a foreign language either! She may have been made to touch Play Doh! Or finger paint! The mind reels with the horrors that she could have been exposed to had her mother not saved her from this plebian pit of a preschool. 

There is one remaining problem, however. Now that it has been publicized that Lucia's mother is a litigious bitch on wheels, I can't imagine that there is an elementary school, public or private, that will want to accept Lucia now. If they don't have her solving calculus equations by kindergarten and speaking and writing fluent Mandarin by 2nd grade, Ms Imprescia will be bringing in the lawyers. And Lucia had better not be in a class with any glue drinking, nose picking, crayon scribbling "kids" either. That's so beneath her. 

Even if such a school were to exist, would they welcome a child whose mother just brought a lawsuit against another school? Perhaps Ms. Imprescia has actually harmed Lucia's chances of being accepted into the school of her (mother's) choice by her actions. Perhaps now those competitive, top notch elementary schools will shy away from poor Lucia because her mother cared too much. And if she can't get into an elite elementary school, what are her odds of acceptance into a select high school? This episode in young Lucia's life may ultimately result in her complete inability to be accepted into an Ivy League college and earn a higher income! If I were Lucia, I would sue my mother.


  1. I really don't know how to respond to this.
    I'd really like to sue my school system for not providing my son with a precal teacher in Grade 11,(he has to do it on his own),or the fact he has to take applied math AND physics at the same time, alternating leaving the classes to attend the other. Perhaps I should hire Ms.Imprescia as my litigator since she feels so entitled to a perfect education. Grow up lady and try to live where I live, we don't even have preschools here, it's called Mom making playdough in the kitchen.
    I love your rants Lolamouse, thanks for letting me in on one of mine.

  2. That was great Lolamouse as all of your writings are. You certainly have a way with words girl. Great job.

  3. Can I sue God? And if there is no God, can I sue the creator of 'chaos'? If I sue any of these two where will I go after death?

  4. If I were Lucia, I would give my mother forty whacks.

    The tone you've written this in is just delicious. That woman needs Remedial Life classes. Shapes and colors make me a lot happier than fancy dancy stuff any day.

  5. preschool? what the hell is that? when i was in kindergarten, there was this program for the kids who couldn't pass the test to get into kindergarten. that was about as much preparation as the school system would give. and then they were a year late starting their elementary education.
    basically it was a class for the kids whose parents were too lazy to teach them the alphabet and how to count.
    maybe Lucia's mother should learn what's on those elementary school tests and home-preschool her, if it's that important.

  6. Poor Lucia!! I feel for her! Her mother is a total nut!! It's gonna be funny when Lucia graduates high school and then looks at her mom and says "Mom. I'm not going to college. I'm going to be a starving artist." That would just twist her nipples!

  7. What a cracker...the mother and the story...I enjoyed this read.

  8. My kin and I never attended preschool back in the day. But, my daughter does go to preschool. Her teacher was complaining to me that the required curriculum was too academically focused. She said the kids didn't have enough time to socialize and PLAY. Personally, I'm ok with that. My girl plays at home all the time.
    But, more on the topic of this post-that lady is nuts.


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