Orgasm In a Jar

No, this post is not about the private goings-on in my bedroom, so sorry to disappoint you! I can't even begin to fathom what you thought a "jar" had to do with my sex life, you sickos! No, this post is about food, which, like sex, is one of my favorite things when done well!

For several years while completing my graduate degree, I lived in South Carolina. Aside from the heat, which made you feel like you were living in Satan's armpit, the abject poverty, the ignorance and bigotry ("Do you Jews celebrate Thanksgiving?"), and the backassward school system (morning prayer over the PA system and a big paddle in the principal's office called the "Helping Hand,") it was a lovely place to live. I did grow quite fond of the food, too fond, as a matter of fact. If I had stayed in SC, I'd probably weigh over 200 pounds by now, in addition to having lost several of my teeth and having "big hair" (shudder). Ah, but the food...You can take the girl from the pulled pork, but you can't take the pulled pork from the girl! Or the mac and cheese, or the sweet tea, or the corn bread, or the banana pudding...pardon me, I'm drooling.

Anyway, this brings me to last night's dinner at Clyde's Tower Oaks in Rockville, MD. Clyde's has always been a favorite restaurant for our family, but it has now been elevated to mythical status in my heart and mind due to one appetizer that I have dubbed "Orgasm In a Jar." This beautiful concoction of ingredients perfectly melds several of my all-time favorite Southern foods into one compact package. There is nothing the least bit nutritious about this dish. It probably contains enough salt and fat to kill an ox, but I worship the person who said, "Fuck it! I'm going to make on ode to Southern gluttony and calories be damned!" It's a good thing I don't live closer to this restaurant because I would eat one of these every day. Behold its glory.

This sinful beauty is comprised of fried onions, cole slaw, pulled pork, corn bread, and macaroni and cheese, all packed into a mason jar. Put some hot fudge and whipped cream on top of that baby and I'd never have to eat anything else in my life (except maybe bacon and french fries!)

To those of you out there who are thinking, "OMG, how could she possibly eat all of that?" I have your answer. Easily.