Silence of the Lambs, Lament of the Loon, and Why I Hate Airline Travel: Part IV

Why does increasing altitude bring out the crazy in people? I think those so called "lifejackets" they claim are under your seat for emergencies are really straightjackets in case the wackjobs get too nutso. For instance, on our last flight my poor husband had to sit next to subnormal body temperature woman. The plane was really stuffy, so we opened the air vents above our seats to allow those refreshing gusts of fresh air to blow down on us like the weak, hot breath of a dehydrated kitten. After a couple of minutes, subnormal body temperature woman squirmed around uncomfortably and looked peevish. After a minute more, she fidgeted with her air vent and asked if it was closed (it was). She shifted in her seat again and looked at the vents. "I'm cold. Are your vents blowing on me?" My husband readjusted the vents to make sure that no stray air molecules would drift her way and told her so. She still wasn't happy. "It's so cold in here!" she whined, clearly expecting him to close the vents (think again, girlie! The wife wants air; the wife gets air.) Finally, she grabbed the blanket from under her seat and wrapped herself in it like a cocoon, or a straightjacket!

Then, there was the walking Hannibal Lecter. You know that evil eyed look that Anthony Hopkins had when he played Hannibal? Imagine his doppelganger pacing up and down the aisle of the plane by your seat throughout the 8 hour flight. Stopping only to stare. Then pacing again. Then staring. This guy seriously creeped me out! He never spoke a word. Just walked. Up and down the aisle.

By the time the our asylum in the air landed, I was in serious need of some psychotropic meds myself. LET ME OUT!!!