100th Post: Happy Birthday to You!

I can't believe that I'm up to my 100th blog entry! I've been pondering what to rant about for number 100 and have been tossing up ideas like vibrio infested Chesapeake oysters for over a week now. Number 100 seemed too momentous an occasion to squander on a trifle but then again, that's been the point of most of the rants in this blog thus far!

After giving up entirely for the day, I called my old friend (old, as in I've had her as a friend for a very long time now, and, sorry, girl, but also old, as in this side of 40 today) to wish her a happy birthday. Then it hit me like seagull poo on my head while strolling the streets of Annapolis (this really did happen to me): I will dedicate blog post number 100 to my dear friend Kirsten (aka kirf) on her 46th birthday because she's so special to me and because I haven't mailed her gift yet!

Geez, we were dorks in 1971!

IF I LIVE TO BE 100, I WILL NEVER FORGET...

• Mrs. Yauger's 1st grade class with you in Aspen Hill Elementary School
• Chasing the boys at recess and pulling their hair
• Going to your birthday parties and collecting peanuts in your yard in brown paper bags
• Helping your mother can vegetables at your birthday parties
• Learning the way to your house on Camelot Street
• Helping you decorate your Christmas tree since we didn't have one
• Eating those Norwegian cookies at Christmas that your mom made
• Lefsa
• Your compost heap before they were cool
• "Defensive driving for small cars"
• Reading "The Sensuous Woman" at recess disguised in an "Outsiders" bookcover
• Laughing about "organisms" in science class
• That pervert who touched my leg at your parents' dinner party
• That pervert teacher who made a play for you on our field trip
• Your mother stopping the car in the middle of the Chesapeake Bridge
• Beautiful, downtown Denton and "Denton Days"
• Looking for pin lamps in Delaware
• Singing Little Feat songs on the way to the beach
• Buying "French Hos" perfume for prom
• Trying on my bridesmaid dresses backwards
• Trying fondue for the first time at your house
• Making "squid" donuts
• Happy pigs
• Going to Dairy Queen on the last day of school and getting Peanut Buster Parfaits
• You jumping on the beds at Scan Furniture
• Commander Salamander
• Rocky Horror Picture Show in Gtown
• "Your mother's gay?!!"
• Going to a Joan Armatrading concert and winding up in some guys' house we never met before
• Outer Mongolians
   
  I'm sure there are way more things that I'll remember as soon as I hit the "Publish Post" button, but my dogs are snoring and it's time for bed. So Happy Birthday kirf! And I will send you a real gift some time this month, I promise!
   
   

Happy Holidays (Sorry, Didn't Mean to Offend You!)

Would you be offended if someone were to wish you a happy holiday? Apparently the good folks at the Liberty Counsel would be. They want to hear "Merry Christmas" at this time of year, and nothing else will do. In fact, they find reference to anything other than Christmas so abhorrent that for the past 8 years they have carried on a "Friend or Foe Christmas Campaign" in which they publish a list of "Naughty" or "Nice" retailers based on whether or not the Counsel finds the store "Christmas friendly." Their concern is that Christmas is no longer being properly acknowledged in America.

Mathew D. Staver, Founder and Chairman of Liberty Counsel and Dean of Liberty University School of Law, stated, "...Retailers that profit from Christmas while pretending it does not exist will find that consumers will shop elsewhere.” Now, I don't know about you, but from where I stand, the Liberty Counsel need not worry about Christmas ceasing to exist or losing its stronghold over retailers during the time between approximately early November and January 1. While I may spy a few Hanukkah or Kwanzaa cards or decorations in some corner of a store or two, the overwhelming majority of retailers are inundated with red and green decorations, Christmas greetings, Santas, costumed salespeople, and Christmas music. The word "Christmas" is not difficult to find anywhere. It's precisely the opposite; if you're looking for a holiday card or gift without Christmas connotations, good luck!

The Liberty Counsel doesn't approve of the idea of generic winter themed school parties either. They want the traditional Christmas party restored to our children's schools, replete with Christmas cookies, Christmas carols, and Christmas trees. They don't really specify whether or not children of other faiths should have their traditions included in the party as well or just pretend to be Christian for the day and fit in dammit!

I will be the first to admit that I'm hardly objective about this issue. Growing up Jewish in a predominantly Christian environment, I sometimes felt left out, isolated, and overlooked. I appreciate when someone says, "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" to me because I never personally celebrated Christmas, although I do now with my family. I don't assume everyone I meet celebrates my holiday, so why should they assume I celebrate theirs? Although I enjoy seeing the Christmas decorations in stores, I feel a certain sadness when I can't find even one thing for Hanukkah. From where I stand, every retailer is "Christmas friendly."

So, here's what I have to say to Mathew D. Staver and the Liberty Counsel: You think you have it hard? Feh! You should see what I have to go through in the stores! I could plotz from the frustration! I should have it so hard as you. Oy vay. Quit your kvetching, get off your tuchis, and go shopping already or you'll miss all the good sales! Oy vay iz mir!

What Would Jesus Censor?

I was not aware that House Speaker-designate John Boehner (R-Ohio) and incoming Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Va.) are art critics. In addition to their political careers, it appears that these men also aspire to wield their influence within the world of public art.  This week they called for the closing of the National Portrait Gallery's GLBT themed "Hide/Seek: Difference and Desire in American Portraiture" exhibit after the conservative website CNSNews alerted them to "art with strongly sexual themes."

This exhibit features 105 works of art, including pieces by Georgia O'Keefe, Andy Warhol, and Jasper Johns. It also featured a four-minute video by artist David Wojnarowicz, called Fire In My Belly, which was meant to symbolize the suffering of a person with AIDS, according to the artist. However, it aroused the ire of Catholic and other conservative groups for its depiction of homosexual and religious images, specifically one image of Jesus on the cross covered in ants. Due to the controversy surrounding the video, the Smithsonian museum decided to pull the work from the exhibit.

Could this decision by Secretary of the Smithsonian, G. Wayne Smith, possibly have anything to do with  incoming House Speaker Boehner's spokesman stating, "Smithsonian officials should either acknowledge the mistake and correct it, or be prepared to face tough scrutiny beginning in January when the new majority in the House moves [in]"?  Martin Sullivan, Director of the National Portrait Gallery (part of the Smithsonian), defended the video as an artistic interpretation of the suffering of an AIDS victim but then backpedaled by noting that it had been taken down nonetheless. He continued to defend the decision by saying that a "distraction had been removed from an important exhibit." Neither Sullivan nor Smithsonian Director Clough had the cajones to defend the artistic merit of all the works in the exhibit when political and possible financial pressure came down from above. Despite the official statement from the NPG Director, it's obvious that the museum caved to right-wing political pressure. Shame on them!

Should Congress hold power over what is displayed in our museums? Should CNSNews? Should the President of the Catholic League, who decried the video as "hate speech"? Does this reek of censorship? If the Smithsonian judged these works of art to have enough merit to be included in the exhibit, they should stand behind them, each and every one. Removing even one piece because it was deemed offensive to someone is censorship. What is the function of art in a free society? Is it just to beautify and elevate or can art evoke thoughts or feelings in the viewer that may be uncomfortable or even negative?

I'd be willing to bet that many of those who objected to Wojnarowicz's video hadn't even watched it. It was originally a 30 minute video, which was edited to 4 minutes for the museum exhibit. I watched a slightly altered version on YouTube. The 11 seconds of the ant covered cross was hardly the most noticeable image within this video. The entire video is a nightmarish compilation of disturbing imagery, some of which is religious, some of which is sexual, and some of which, at least to me, is indecipherable. I can't say I enjoyed it. Is it offensive? Who knows? It sure ain't a date movie!

Where Does Jack Sparrow Stick His Sword?

My vote for sexiest man alive

Where does Captain Jack Sparrow stick his sword? Apparently, the swishbuckling pirate's ambiguous sexuality bothered Disney execs tremendously while the first Pirates of the Caribbean was being filmed. Personally, I found Johnny Depp's interpretation of Jack Sparrow quite humorous and intriguing, but according to a recent Vanity Fair interview with Patti Smith, Depp says that Michael Eisner "hated" the way Depp portrayed the character and accused him of "ruining" the film!  Depp quotes Eisner, then the head executive of Disney, of saying something like, "What’s wrong with him? Is he, you know, like some kind of weird simpleton? Is he drunk? By the way, is he gay?… " Then Depp goes on to add, "And so I actually told this woman who was the Disney-ite… ‘But didn’t you know that all my characters are gay?’ Which really made her nervous."

Capt. Jack was inspired by Keith Richards

and Pepe Le Pew!

                                                                                                                

Disney should be so lucky to have all of their movies so "ruined!" The film was a huge commercial success and garnered 5 Academy Award nominations, including one for Male Actor in a Leading Role for Johnny Depp for his portrayal of Jack Sparrow (how ironic!) I guess not everyone is as freaked out by sexually ambiguous pirates as the execs at Disney. What did they think they were going to get when they hired Johnny Depp for this role anyway? He's not exactly known for his mainstream characters. Even before the first Pirates movie was cast, Depp had expressed disdain for the typical heartthrob leading male character he had been cast as in his early years in 21 Jump Street (where I first lusted after him, may I add.) He had accepted roles in Tim Burton and John Waters films and had already played some very oddball characters, including Edward Scissorhands and Ed Wood, the crossdressing "worst film director ever." If Disney wanted a "typical" pirate, they hired the wrong guy.

Frankly, I don't give a dubloon if Captain Jack is gay, straight, or bisexual. He can get it on with that freaky Sea Bitch Calypso if he wants. I hope we never find out where Captain Jack sticks his sword because the fun is in the guessing and in watching Depp play mind games with the tiny mouse minds at Disney!