Campbell's Soup Goes Halal: M'm, M'm, Good for the Jews?

Have you heard that the Canadian branch of Campbell's Soups has released a line of halal certified products, which means that they have been prepared according to Islamic dietary laws?  They carry the seal of the Islamic Society of North America (ISNA), which offers halal certification. This can only mean one thing: the Jews' attempts at world domination are failing, and in our time of weakness, the Jihadist Muslims are encroaching on what should be our territory!

Sure, we've got Hollywood locked up tight, and we still have a viable chunk of the medical and financial markets, but we're losing our population base! We need to have NUMBERS! More young people are leaving the fold by marrying shiksas or goys and weakening our stock (although it is improving our eyesight and silhouettes as a group.) We've had the kosher certification seal on numerous foods throughout the country for dozens of years (you might have seen it; it's that circle with a U in it). Everyone knows that if you eat food that has been blessed by a rabbi, you get indoctrinated into Judaism. So, with all the Hebrew National hotdogs being eaten, where are all the new Jews? Obviously, there's a fatal flaw in our plan. And now, the Muslims are trying to grab our market share in the groceries with their halal soups! What chutzpah! They'd better not try to Islamify my matzohball soup! The borscht, they can have.

We Jews need to get to work if we want to spread our Christ-killing propaganda throughout the world! The Muslims aren't waiting to spread the word. They've already got a school holiday in Massachusetts, folks! That was our plan! Give the kiddies a school holiday for Rosh Hashanah, Passover, etc., and they will come to love the Jewish religion. But only a handful of school districts honor our holidays. And they still make kids sing the same lame "Dreidel" song year after year at Christmas concerts. How is that helping our cause?

Pamela Geller,  executive director of Freedom Defense Initiative (FDI)/Stop Islamization of America and author of the book "The Obama Administration's War on America: The Post American Presidency" writes a  blog, atlas shrugs, which eloquently elucidates the imminent threat of Islamic sharia, or law, taking over the world. Bravo, Pam! Throw 'em off our trail! Get the attention of the borderline IQ masses off our backs and onto the burqas and head scarves of the terrorists! Goodness knows, we ordinary Jews need something to distract people from the black suits, hats, scarves, fringed tallits, overgrown beards and weird sideburns of the Hassidic Jews! Oy! Geller's exposé of Campbell's Islamic connection begat a Facebook group dedicated to boycotting Campbell's soup. Perfect! With thousands of hungry people denied their chicken noodle, they'll be all the more ready to convert to kosher brands like Goodman's, Manischewitz, or Streit's. Then they'll be putty in our hands! We Jews make a mean chicken soup-what's not to like?

We must stop the spread of halal certified foods from Campbell's into America! The Canadians have already slipped their evil poutine past our borders; who knows what could be next?!!  Americans should eat American food! Oh, and Chinese food too. Jews like good Chinese food. And to make sure your food is of the highest quality, made from the best ingredients, under the most sanitary conditions, look for the Kosher symbol.