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Poetry and snark blogger who also has a creative side (who knew?)
Showing posts with label sarcasm. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sarcasm. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Dan Snyder: Oy Vey!!!

If you live in or around the D.C. area or follow the politics of football, you may be familiar with the latest stunt of Dan Snyder, owner of the Washington Redskins. He is suing the Washington City Paper for an article that ran several months ago (The Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder From A to Z [for Zorn], an encyclopedia of the owner's many failings) which listed numerous mistakes and unethical behaviors Snyder has committed over the years. Mr. Snyder claims that the article contains "lies and half-truths," constitutes defamation of character, and that the cover illustration, which contains a doodle of him with devil horns, is anti-Semitic. Now, typically I don't give a fig about football, sports teams, or the goings-on thereabouts. However, being born and raised in the D.C. area and being Jewish, I feel I must say this: Dan, you're a complete disappointment and an embarrassment to my people!!!

Is it not enough that you have taken a beloved sports team and run them into the ground? Not even the return of our iconic Coach Gibbs could reanimate the team while you were in charge. Let's not forget that you moved the Washington Redskins out of Washington and into Maryland. Their practice facilities are even in Virginia. Despite the pitiful performance of the team, you continue to raise ticket prices to the point where longtime season ticket holders can't afford to keep their tickets and then sue them when they can't pay! Is that any way to treat loyal fans?!! Dan, I'm very disappointed in you.

Now about this article. I understand that it was not very nice. It may have even contained some hyperbole or misleading statements (I know you didn't really use Agent Orange to get rid of the federally protected trees blocking your view of the Potomac River. You just had them cut down after having a little chat with a Park Service official who okayed it for you). But here's what you don't seem to understand. Public figures are fair game. You are a public figure. You are a public figure because you own the Washington Redskins and because you are rich. People are going to write things about you. Look, I'm writing about you now. If you are smart, you behave in a way that will cause people to want to write positive things about you. If you are a whiny crybaby, people will want to write negative things about you. Suing the Washington City Paper falls into the whiny crybaby category. 

Furthermore, claiming that "...the cost of litigation would presumably quickly outstrip the asset value of the Washington City Paper," is a threatening remark that pegs you as a bully in addition to being a whiny crybaby. This is not a flattering portrait, Dan. Didn't your mother ever teach you that the best way to respond to teasing is by ignoring it? You not only didn't ignore it, you ran crying to the teacher and then threatened to have the whole school shut down!

Lastly, there's the claim of anti-Semitism. The City Paper article featured a photo of Snyder with devil horns and a goatee drawn on. Snyder claimed this was a historically anti-Semitic representation of Jewish people. When I read this, I did a spit-take on my morning coffee! So, now Dan Snyder is the Ethnic Avenger! When did you suddenly develop your cultural sensitivity, Dan? Was it before or after you defended owning a football team with an ethnic slur for a name that is demeaning and insulting to Native Americans? Do you no longer find the name "Redskins" an honor and a tribute or do you now find it ironic given the claims made in your litigation? How do you feel about the name "Fighting Kikes?"

Dan, I don't usually kibitz, but take my advice and stop this nonsense. Stop worrying about what the papers say about you and focus on your work. More importantly, focus on your wife and your kids. Spend some time with your family. Eat some good food. Have a glass or two of wine. Read a good book instead of scouring the papers for journalists to sue. And if you still feel like whining to someone, instead of hiring a lawyer, use your gobs of money and hire yourself a good shrink!



Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Barbie-plasty

If you thought reality TV hit bottom when a group of trashy New Jersey lowlifes (most of whom aren't really even from NJ!) ascended to star status because of their sexcapades, big hair (Snook-It, anyone?), 4 letter word vocabulary, and tanorexia, you seriously underestimated the depths to which television and its viewers will sink in the name of "entertainment."  May I present Exhibit A: Bridalplasty. In this despicable derivation of reality TV, brides-to-be compete for a celebrity-style dream wedding and the dream body to go along with it. Does this mean that they engage in a series of physical challenges meant to whip them into shape before the big day? Heavens no! These brides-to-be compete with each other in order to win nose jobs, implants, lipo, and botox! As the show's advertising says, it's "the only competition where the winner gets cut." How sick is this?!!

These women, who I should say are normal looking, if not attractive, are competing for surgery! Let me reiterate: this is purely elective plastic surgery. There is not one cleft lip or extra limb among them. I became aware of this hideous show as I was channel flipping and saw what looked like a house full of car wreck and burn victims gathered around an attractive host. I soon discovered that these were some of the previous weeks' "winners," who had gotten one or more of their "wish list" surgeries by winning a challenge. It was morbid! These women trash talk each other from under their mummy wraps in the recovery room! Let's meet one:

Kristen Sciacca, 21
a nanny from Orange, CA, was crowned Miss Anaheim in 2005

Wish List
  • breast augmentation
  • liposuction of chin
  • liposuction of cheeks
  • laser hair removal
  • teeth straightening
  • liposuction of abdomen
  • liposuction of flanks
  • liposuction of outer thighs
  • liposuction of knees
  • Botox between eyes 
I know what you're thinking. What a heifer, right?!!  This girl certainly needs work before any guy would marry her!

And what about the surgeon who performs all of these operations? Who the hell is he? Dr. Terry Dubrow is supposedly a board certified plastic surgeon. Wherever he went to medical school, I think he must have slept through his medical ethics class because doctors are prohibited from giving away procedures as prizes for contests. I'd love to have a gander at the medical release form these Barbie wannabes must have to sign before appearing on this show!

It's bad enough that women and girls face such enormous societal pressure to have "perfect" bodies. We go on ridiculous diets, starve ourselves into anorexia, puke ourselves bulimic, and destroy our self-esteem in a futile effort to reach someone else's notion of perfection. Now, plastic surgery is being added into the mix as an option for women other than the rich and famous. Will the pre-wedding lipo become as common as the pre-wedding manicure? Botox parties are already cropping up in suburbia, where party goers are offered facial injections with their apple martinis. Does this scenario remind anyone else of the Stepford Wives or is it just me? Only now, it's we  who are offering ourselves up to be carved into walking, talking Barbies. Is that progress? I don't think so.