Did I Ask You If You Wanted To Sit Down?!!

I never used to have the barely controllable urge to curse at children. Now, I find myself wanting to shriek like a banshee, hurling expletives at 7 year-olds. What has happened? Have I changed or have children become more irritating?

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Let me illustrate with a true example: the other day while volunteering at the Nature Center, I escorted a group of first graders into our exhibit room for a brief introductory lesson. I gathered them together and nicely instructed them to have a seat where they could view the pictures I had put up on the board. One little demon continued standing. I again instructed him to please take a seat, at which point this Devil's spawn stated, "I don't want to sit down," and remained standing. My immediate urge, which I had to suppress, was to grab this mini schmuck in sneakers by his collar, get up in his grill, and yell, "Sit your ass down, you little shithead!" Let me reiterate, I did not do this. I did, however, firmly and non-too-nicely say, "I said, 'sit down,'" at which point, he finally did.

This incident left me wondering whether kids' behavior has become more oppositional and defiant or whether I have just lost my patience in dealing with it. Or both. And I'm not talking about kids who have emotional issues that affect their behavior, are truly ADHD, are autistic, etc. These kids I can still deal with just fine. I'm talking about your run of the mill brats. They seem to be getting brattier. And to have more of a sense of entitlement. These are the kids that seem to think that rules don't apply to them, that they are somehow special.

Perhaps we should look at the parents for a clue to why these children are so out of control. I have the opportunity to interact with parent chaperones during field trips to the Nature Center, and often, the parents behave worse than the children! Talking on cell phones during instruction, interrupting teaching with their private conversations, disappearing for smoke breaks, blatantly ignoring instructions not to disturb wildlife, eating on the trails-these are just some of the behaviors in  which I commonly see parents engage when they are supposed to be assisting the children with their assigned tasks. That's in addition to showing up for a day of hiking at a Nature Center dressed in designer leather boots, mini skirts, high heels, expensive sweaters, and all other manner of inappropriate clothing.

Then there are the parents (typically the dads) who fancy themselves "nature boys." They seem to think that the field trip is for them and forget that they have kids to chaperone. I often find these dads wandering around the exhibit room, chatting with the Nature Center staff, or asking me dozens of questions unrelated to the field-trip. While I appreciate the interest these guys take in the natural environment, I find that I frequently have to redirect them to the task at hand. "It looks like your group may be wandering into that patch of poison ivy over there instead of looking for woodpecker holes in trees. You may want to try to bring them back to the group." (Translation: Wake up, jackwagon!)

I find that I am often tempted to take two of these parents' heads and bash them together. My theory is that the hollow sound it might make may be akin to the sound of the redbellied woodpecker pecking holes in the rotting trees to search for insects. I could have the children listen as I smashed their oblivious parents' empty heads together and compared the sound to a woodpecker. Violent impulses relieved and teachable moment. Now, that's a good field trip!