No, Just No

Imagine you are a third grade teacher. Little Britney raises her hand in the middle of math class for the second time that day. "Yes, Britney, what is it?" you ask, a little peeved. "Can I go to the bathroom?" "Again?" "I really have to!" she whines. "Okay, you may go as soon as Amber gets back." You try to regain focus on the math lesson. Not 5 minutes go by when another girl wants to be excused to the bathroom, and you notice that Britney has not yet returned. WHAT IS GOING ON? You have another teacher briefly watch your class while you march down to the girls' bathroom to discover...a bunch of  8 year-olds fixing their make-up!!! 

photo from tywkiwdbi

The marketing geniuses at Pacific World Brand have partnered with Walmart, the arbiter of all things tasteful, to produce Geo Girl, a line of cosmetics specifically formulated for tween girls. This is not the Bonne Bell Strawberry Lip Smackers that some of us remember from our early teens, but mascara, eye shadow, blush, and anti-aging products with "anti-oxidant exfoliants" because you're never too young to start looking younger! The products have "texting" names to emphasize the fact that these cosmetics are for the younger generation and not for us old fogies. Can you figure out what the names of these products are?
            
1. SPF 15 Lip Balm—J4G                     
2. Cleanser—T2G                  
3. Mineral Blush—QTPi 
4. Liquid2Powder Shadow—iCU 
5. Body Mist—TiSC    
6. Feather Lash Mascara—FYEO    
7. Lipshine—GR8
8. FaceShimmer—URA*                                                                   

In case you don't spend your time texting you BFFs, here are the answers:
1. Just 4 Grins
2. Time To Go
3. Cutie Pie
4. I See You
5. This is So Cool
6. For Your Eyes Only
7. Great
8. You Are A Star

Wait! you say. Most 8 to 11 year-olds don't wear make-up. But just think of all the money that a savvy cosmetics company could make if they did! Here's how Joel Carden, executive vice president for marketing and sales for Pacific World  explained the strategy behind Geo Girl:  "These are real cosmetics with natural ingredients that will create return purchases and create a true beauty consumer.'' See? You don't have to worry! They have natural ingredients! They are also eco-friendly because the marketing research suggested that tweens were aware of environmental issues and found them to be important. So your little girl can be an environmentally conscious skank!

I think Pacific World needs to take their marketing one step farther. What about the toddler demographic? How about Geo Baby? Not only would the cosmetics be made with natural ingredients but they would be safe to eat! It would be perfect for the Toddlers in Tiaras set. When they got hungry waiting for their turn at a pageant, they could just snack on their make-up! I can envision it- lipsticks in the shape of pacifiers, foundation that tastes like pudding...I'm going to go puke now. Excuse me.