Yes, Finally!

Here is why I like this company:

Today at Despair.com... A tragic lament for those who can't read simple instructions... And a brief chance at redemption. Is this email not displaying correctly? View it in your browser. TO THOSE SOMEHOW CONFUSED BY THE IMPOSSIBLY SIMPLE... We tried. We really did. We picked a 30% Off Coupon Code we thought was super simple. No overlong phrases, no tricky spelling or weird characters. And yet, somehow, we still ended up getting a lot of complaints of the "your coupon code doesn't work!" variety. "I tried '30rocks' and it doesn't work! What's this some joke?" "Why doesn't my code 'thirtyrock' give me the discount you promised?" "you dispair (sic) people really take the cake!!! i tried 'thirty rocks' over and over and it DIDN'T WORK?!" How much easier can we make it, people?  The code was 'thirtyrocks'.  Not any other variation some of you inexplicably and unsuccessfully kept trying to use.  No numeric characters.  No spaces.  No quotes. Listen, Jim D. of Miami, Carol W. of Pershing, Indiana (is that even a real place?), and several others who wrote us angrily over the weekend to complain.  Though I hate to come right out and say it, I need you to do a better job of following instructions in order for this relationship to work. (Why do I hate to say it? Well, the last time I did I had to duck right after because she threw a flower pot at my head...  If only people understood how much easier life would be for us all if they JUST DID WHAT I SAID...) Anyway, if you're one of those people who missed out because you can't read, I have a consolation prize for you.  I have created a new coupon code.  It expires tomorrow at midnight.  It still lets you get the 30% discount you 'got cheated out of' (Annie S., Lake Placid, NY).  There's just one downside.  By using it, you are making a confession to us. Your new coupon code is iamdumb. No quotes. No space. No capital letters. Just type iamdumb when you check out, and you'll still get 30% T-Shirts, Posters, Calendars, Notecard Packs, Pessimist's Mugs / Glasses / Shot Glasses, our Ceramic Mugs, Points of View Glasses, and everything else we sell. Yeah, I know- it's kind of insulting.  But hey, I'm still cutting you a break!  Because hey, you're dumb! That's all for today.  I've done my good deed. I still love you. I promise we'll get through this.  follow on Twitter | friend on Facebook | forward to a friend  Copyright © 2012 Despair, Inc., All rights reserved. You Opted-In to receive email alerts from Despair, Inc. Our mailing address is: Despair, Inc. 800 Interchange Blvd Suite 102 Austin, Texas 78721 Add us to your address book  unsubscribe from this list | update subscription preferences

The following day, they ran this promotion: 

 

Today at Despair.com... Tragedy turns to outrage- and frustration into a t-shirt..  And you all have Cheryl to thank for it. Is this email not displaying correctly? View it in your browser.   AN HONEST EMAIL PROMPTS A FLOOD OF RESPONSE... AND A NEW SHIRT! Well, color me surprised.  I got more responses to my last mail than any other in a few years.  Mostly positive.  A couple QUITE negative. I figured you might actually enjoy reading some of the comments your fellow Despair fans wrote us.  But please make sure to read through them all, so you'll not miss out on apology we're making to one especially offended individual.  (Oh, and so you don't miss out on the t-shirt details.)   From: Marcia To: The Wailing List As a teacher who is so often confounded by the ineptitude of students (and sadly, some fellow teachers) at following simple instructions, I heartily applaud your recent missive. I also wish more people would force these lazy humans to accept accountability for their own incompetence rather than trying to place the blame for their errors on someone else. Your chosen coupon code is perfect. I hope it helps to drive our point home. Well done! ----- From: Catherine To: The Wailing List I am so envious of you for having the ability to write and send an e-mail like this to your customer base. I would kill to be able to send this out to my customers... This made my day, and potentially my week. ----- From: Cady To: The Wailing List Dear despair: It's not often (well, never, until today), that I felt compelled to forward an ad to many family and friends.  The simple truth of this message spoke to my deepest sense of fair play and the overweening ridiculousness of many ill conceived customer complaints. Thanks for reminding us that occasionally, it really is them, not me.  Cady (last name removed) ----- From: Mr.W.K.Chim To: The Wailing List Hello friend, I have information/proposal for you about a huge amount lying in my Bank as unclaimed  funds. I would need your assistance in re-profiling the funds belonging to my late client.  Please get back to me if you are interested so I would brief you in more detailed information.. Sorry I can not reveal my identity, the amount involve and my Bank name until i receive your response. Regards, Mr. W.K.Chim ----- From: Cheryl To: The Wailing List Remove me from your mailing list. This was absolutely offensive to me and I refuse to do business with a company that openly insults its customers. I will be writing a letter to your owners and managers to inform them of my disgust with this mistreatment. Perhaps you'll soon be regretting your ill-chosen words. signed, Cheryl "iamnotdumb" (last name removed) ----- From: Matt H. To: The Wailing List I can already see the comments that "iamdumb." doesn't work :) ----- From: Darren B. To: The Wailing List "EyeAmDumb didn't work. D" Tell me you didn't laugh at that last one- we did! Now, as you'll note, we did have one particular customer (a few actually) who unsubscribed in outrage, apparently greatly offended by the notion that a Despair, Inc. newsletter might actually make a joke a customer's expense.  She's apparently never seen our "INSPECTED BY: Your Mom" stamps on an packing slip, or BitterSweets candy hearts that read, "CELIB8 THX2U", or the perpetually repeated slogan, "We're not satisfied until you're not satisfied..."  It appears she'll be sending an angry letter to our founders, letting them know she's disgusted (and apparently also not dumb).  I can assure her we process all such complaints with a quickness! On a happier note, a lot of your wrote emails begging us to put the "UGH" graphic on a t-shirt - and at least one (Amy T., holla!) asked if we'd do it while the 30% off sale was still underway.  It actually seemed pretty fitting- so we did and you can order and 'ugh' shirt here! But alas, the iamdumb 30% off coupon code expires tonight!  So I'm making a new coupon code- 31% off everything in fact- that expires Thursday at midnight.  I figured I might as well memorialize our recently departed Cheryl in the process.  And so: The last coupon code in this trilogy is cherylisnotdumb No quotes. No space. No capital letters. Just type cherylisnotdumb when you check out, and you'll be able to get 31% off the new "ugh" t-shirt.  Along with any other T-Shirt, Poster, Calendar, etc. I really do have to stop all this coupon code stuff tomorrow though.  We're getting very close to the Holiday 2012 new product launches- and I don't want you to run out of money before we unveil all the cool new stuff. I meant what I said a few emails ago- we've got some reason surprises in store this Fall, just around the corner now.  So don't spend ALL your money now... Just all you can get away with without defaulting on your credit card! Peace out, y'all!    follow on Twitter | friend on Facebook | forward to a friend  Copyright © 2012 Despair, Inc., All rights reserved. You Opted-In to receive email alerts from Despair, Inc. Our mailing address is: Despair, Inc. 800 Interchange Blvd Suite 102 Austin, Texas 78721 Add us to your address book  unsubscribe from this list | update subscription preferences