Absolute Power (I Love It!)

As you may know, I had been given the Overlord Award a while back and had dutifully fulfilled my obligations in regard to World Domination and the "passing of the sceptre" as it were onto several other world domination worthy bloggers. One of these bloggers, however, thought it clever of herself  to toss said sceptre right back at me (now who would that be? Hmmm? Who might be rebellious and enjoy a good laugh when she's not busy composing Trimetrans?), necessitating that I devise 3 more rules for World Domination. Sure, give me MORE control. You don't know what you are creating. Soon, everyone will be required to wear at least one item of clothing in hot pink (that's fuchsia to you, Doug!) Country music will be forever banned (country-rock can petition for exceptions on a case by case basis), and at weddings, the insipid "chicken dance" will be replaced with the Time Warp. And those aren't even my 3 rules! Ha! Those are edicts! Edicts, I say!!! See what happens when you do tag backs, Ms. Fireblossom? Here, then, are my 3 rules:

1. No person, male or female, will be allowed to have on his or her person a greater number of tattoos than he or she has healthy teeth in his or her mouth. If said person has fewer good teeth than tattoos, any money to be spent on tattoos shall instead be spent on dental care.

2. No chef is allowed to be skinny. Exceptions will be made for chefs who smoke excessively and thus maintain a lower weight due to nicotine and/or drinking/drug use, especially heroin (i.e. Anthony Bourdain). A chef should look like he or she eats. My personal poster child for inappropriate looking chefs is Giada DeLaurentiis. She's a skinny bitch. With big boobs. I hate her. Nuff said.

3. Any person who begins a sentence with the clause "I'm not a bigot..." will immediately have his or her nose grow 6 inches and his or her pants fall to the ankles if said person is not being truthful. Thus, everyone who utters these words will have their noses grow and their pants fall. Really, have you EVER heard someone who's not bigoted have to state that he or she is not bigoted? And, of course, this clause is usually followed by a "but" and a statement of why some group should not have the same rights as everyone else. For example, "I'm not bigoted, but I don't believe in gay marriage." Or "I'm not homophobic [variant of bigoted] but I don't think they need to flaunt it." Or "I'm not a bigot, but I'd rather my kid have Christian friends."

There, those are my rules. I'm not awarding the Overlord Award to any more bloggers, as I have already done so in my previous post. I'm Overlord, and I can make the rules. Bwah, ha ha! 

Damn, I look GOOD in a crown!