and This Little Piggie Had Lipo

You know who you are, and you are making the rest of us sick! Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about! Yes, YOU! You think that just because it's summer that gives you the right to do what you're doing? Well, it doesn't! Have a little concern for others even if you have no self-respect. It's bad enough that we have to look at it on the beach and at the pool but you even parade around town. It's disgusting! It's gross! No one wants to see your FAT TOES!!!

Oh, I know what you're going to say. You've tried exercise. You've tried dieting. Nothing works. You even look at a piece of cake, and it goes right to your toes. It's genetic, you say. Well, that's no excuse. You will be happy to learn that toe liposuction can fix that pesky problem once and for all! You will no longer have to hide your feet in embarrassment come sandal season! Plastic surgery to the rescue for only $2000 or more!

So what are you waiting for? Book an appointment with a plastic surgeon, and go get yourself a "sleeker toe profile" right now! Toe liposuction is truly the miracle medical procedure we have been waiting for. Get toe lipo, and help combat this country's toe-besity problem today!

OMG! Ladies, you should be ashamed of those fat toes!

An Apple A Day Is Too Much Of a Commitment

You know how you have a craving for a fresh, juicy apple? So you get an apple, take a couple of bites out of it, and then think to yourself, "I'll just save the rest of this apple for later?" Then when you go to finish your apple several hours later, it has turned slightly brown and you think, "Oh no! I can't eat this now! It's discolored and unattractive!" so you dispose of it? Me neither. But apparently a Canadian company, Okanangan Specialty Fruits (OSF), has decided that apple browning is an issue of tremendous importance to the human race and thus has created the first genetically modified non-browning apple.

The Arctic Apple, as the company's creation is called, is a big deal in the mad science world of Frankenfoods. While we consumers have been chowing down on genetically engineered foods since the 1990s, these have been mostly processed foods. The Arctic Apple is one of the first genetically modified foods that consumers will bite into directly. Yummmm, taste those deliciously altered DNA strands....soooo gooood.

Whatever your stand on genetically modified foods, one has to wonder how a company chooses the trait(s) to alter.  For instance, perhaps they could engineer disease or pest resistance to reduce the use of chemicals on farms. Perhaps they could engineer for increased nutritional value. Perhaps they could engineer longer shelf life to reduce waste. Or maybe they could engineer an apple that doesn't brown so that it will look prettier even though dipping it in lemon juice does the same thing without monkeying with its genetic code. Just sayin'.

To be fair, though, here is OSF founder Neal Carter to explain why a non-browning apple is really necessary:
Mr. Carter also stated that a whole apple is “for many people too big a commitment...If you had a bowl of apples at a meeting, people wouldn’t take an apple out of the bowl. But if you had a plate of apple slices, everyone would take a slice."  Well, if that doesn't justify creating a genetically modified fruit, then I don't know what does! Lord knows, we don't want people to have to commit to an entire apple!

Dinner and a Show

This is what Jewish deli food should look like. This is a picture of my pre-theatre dinner at Carnegie deli in NYC (I know the place is a tourist trap, but good is good!) Corned beef on rye with cole slaw and Russian dressing. A Dr. Brown's black cherry soda. Kosher pickles. Heaven. Then we went to see

with Jim Parsons from Big Bang theory in the lead as Elwood Dowd. It was fantastic! Gotta love those 6 foot rabbits!