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Poetry and snark blogger who also has a creative side (who knew?)

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Giada Must Die!!!

Since I'm on a cooking theme (see previous post), I thought it was about time to mention that Giada De Laurentis must die!!! If you live in a cave without cable or satellite TV, Giada (which is Italian for "gigantic tits") De Laurentis (spawn of the famous film producer Dino De Laurentis) is a hugely popular Food Network star chef. She has several shows on the network and consistently scores high ratings from viewers. I hate her. I don't care that she trained at Le Cordon Bleu in Paris or that she has worked at prestigious restaurants. That bitch is too damn skinny to be a chef! No one with a passion for food could possibly be as thin as that wench. She doesn't fool me when she opens her full, plumped lips to savor her on-air creations. "Yuuuum," she coos to the audience, as men everywhere put the TV guides over their laps and shift uncomfortably in their lazy boys. As soon as the camera cuts away, she probably runs off to spit the offending mouthful in the toilet like an amateur giving a blowjob. Lame.

Chefs should look like they enjoy eating. They should embody a passion for food in all its shapes, sizes, colors, and tastes. They most definitely should not look like fashion models! Skinny chefs are an abomination. Giada, I hope you choke as one tiny morsel of food sneaks its way down your throat and you die, you skinny bitch.

This is NOT how a chef should look! Note also the manicured hands.

Now, Paula Dean is a chef who obviously LOVES to eat. You go girl!

Yeah, Anthony Bourdain's skinny, but he smoked and did drugs for years. Besides, he's snarkier than I am, so he's cool.

1 comment:

  1. LMFAO.ROFLMFAO & all those other adjectives used to describe how efffin funny I found this.


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